From the first moment my wife discovered she had breast cancer, there was a deafening silence from the men I know. Even ones whose wives, mothers or girlfriends had breast cancer seemed to have received a gag order from some Central Cancer Command and did little more than mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known reason, I started this blog…
I’ve read my daughter’s blog three or four times now (http://twenty.o-my-soul.net/). She started when we found out my wife has breast cancer, and while she hasn’t been as regular in posting as she’d wanted to be, what she lacks there she makes up for in introspection and impact.
Her current entry is about Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
I confess I did NOT join the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer (http://makingstrides.acsevents.org/site/TR?sid=16393&type=fr_informational&pg=informational&fr_id=36135) walk this weekend even though Cooper High School where I work has a team. The team captain commented to me yesterday that she was disappointed there weren’t more people walking with them (a subtle inquiry as to why I wasn’t…)
I did NOT sponsor anyone during the Susan B. Komen 3-Day For The Cure run/walk.
I did not donate to the American Cancer Society.
Why not?
I confess that there may be some anger in it; rebellion against “other people” horning in on “my” grief. I KNOW I felt an anger similar to my daughter’s when I see pink ribbons, pink football sweat towels, cleats, and wristbands. But for me, it’s a bit tempered with the thought that “at least they’re trying”.
As I point out above and more than once in this blog, men have trouble talking about breast cancer. Lots of guys have trouble talking about feelings in general with anyone but their intimates – nah, let me amend that. Guys have NO trouble talking about rage, anger, hate, respect and love…of beer, steak, exploding things, cars and “wimmin”. It’s the more subtle feelings they have trouble talking about. In fact, trying to express the more subtle feelings of love will shut down even the loudest most obnoxious guy – even me.
My guess is that the pink Capella Tower lights were a man’s idea. As were the pink-soled football cleats and sweat towel you see above on Minnesota Viking Antoine Winfield (26).
Interpreting these as a man, I think they are an attempt by men to talk about and support the women they know who have fought breast cancer. They may be clumsy and gauche, but hey, they’re trying.
And me? Why am I not at the front of the Cooper squad making Strides Against Breast Cancer? Why am I not riding in the Breast Cancer Ride on August 4-5, 2012 when I rode and walked against diabetes four time?
Maybe I’m angry. Maybe “awareness” isn’t enough. I’m certainly “aware” of breast cancer now; intimately so. Maybe I just don’t know what to do and I haven’t found a way to really make a difference and until I do, I’m going to write this blog and nod pleasantly when people try…and try and figure out how I could make my writing into a weapon against breast cancer so that people like my wife and the wife of my science fiction writer friend wouldn’t have to suffer any more.
I love you brother!
ReplyDeleteYou are right, the pink is all about trying to raise awareness. And making people more aware, to ME, is a good thing. Most of those companies "trying to make money off of the ravages of breast cancer" donate millions of the dollars they raise back into breast cancer research. To ME, that's a good thing.
Who's to say those that waltz around wearing pink in the month of October don't have their own horror stories to tell, aren't experiencing grief just like you? Who am I to say that the pro football player wearing pink cleats on the field didn't lose his own mother to breast cancer 10 years ago? Breast cancer has touched each and every soul on this earth. Some find comfort in doing what little they can by buying coffee at Caribou. Some walk in breast cancer walks. Some write on their blogs in hopes of educating others. Some just pray for their friends/family/aquaintances from afar. We're all doing the best we can. Fault can't be found in that.
Guy, you are on a journey. A journey that has you exactly where you are supposed to be. A journey that includes grief and bitterness. One day, you and the rest of your family will begin healing and realize just why God brought you through all this pain. I realize maybe you don't want to be intimately familiar with this bitter disease, that given the choice, you would have told God "no way in hell!". But you and Liz are influential people in God's plan, and who better than you to help raise awareness? Embrace the pink and get out there and tell your story! There is one inside both of you that will help others.
I read a powerful blog post this morning on (in)courage....give it a read if you have the time!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.incourage.me/2011/10/for-when-the-world-tries-to-change-you.html
Thanks, sis -- good thoughts. I think we said many of the same things. You are right that I can't "know" the lives and hearts of the pink-wearers and the corporate donors to breast cancer research who are doing a good work -- but my point was that "awareness" has to translate into action. Awareness requires no commitment; action does. Three mile walk/runs require commitment, buying pink coffee without knowing how, where or how much of the profit goes to breast cancer research does not require any commitment. In case you were wondering: "...Caribou Coffee's Amy's Blend Collection. Ten percent of retail sales from the Collection's gourmet coffee and tea, as well as mugs and other accessories, go directly to the cause." It's easy to find, easy to seek the most effective means of supporting breast cancer research. Also finding out if there is a way to support breast cancer treatment for those without insurance is important, too: http://www.cancercare.org/ and http://www.amoena.com/tbcs/QualityOfLife/InsuranceLegal/HealthInsurancefortheBreastCancerPatient.htm.
ReplyDeleteIt's what I was trying to say -- awareness and action. Next year I'l be in the Breast Cancer Ride (http://www.breastcancerride.org/site/PageServer)
The blog post was nice as well. Thanks for sharing.