Saturday, December 20, 2014

GUY’S GOTTA TALK ABOUT #10…Cancer and the Holidays


From the first moment my wife discovered she had breast cancer, there was a deafening silence from the men I know. Even ones whose wives, mothers or girlfriends had breast cancer seemed to have received a gag order from some Central Cancer Command and did little more than mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known reason, I started this blog…

My favorite Christmas specials – “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”, “Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!”, “A Christmas Carol” (TV version, with Star Trek’s Patrick Stewart), and “Joyeux Noel” (a WWI film my daughter introduced us to several years ago) – all contain wonderful, quotable moments.

Today the one I can hear repeatedly in my mind is, “Herbie doesn’t like to make toys!” This announcement is greeted by the elves of the North Pole with derision and eventual rejection. The reason I’m listening to it today is that the First Christmas after my wife’s breast cancer diagnosis was a huge challenge to us. When the diagnosis happened in March along with the double mastectomy then chemo over the summer, the following Christmas was…strange, to say the least. You can even tell how strange that first Christmas was because I didn’t mention a single thing about Christmas – it was all talk about lung cancer.

Whew. Talk about avoidance!

I write this morning from a place of profound hope and thankfulness. I didn’t even mention Christmas in this blog until the third time around in 2013. This Christmas, with my son, his wife and our two grandchildren in our house; my daughter and her boyfriend; my foster daughter; and my daughter-in-law’s mother…we will celebrate a tradition that we deliberately started 21 years ago: the cutting of the Christmas tree at a tree farm many miles north of her. In many way, the cutting of the tree brings to MY mind my thought process regarding breast cancer…

OK – so this is NOT linear!

The bit from “Rudolph”? During those first Christmases post-cancer-diagnosis and treatment, I only WISHED our problems were that trivial. On further reflection though, what appears trivial now, was not trivial then. My prayer for those experiencing breast cancer for their first Christmas, is that they have the strength they need and the joy that they desire.

The fact that I can even write this with a thankful heart show that I have both grown and hoped for the past four years. I pray for all of those who are experiencing their first “cancer Christmas” the gift of hope and the peace this season CAN bring. I pray they will rest in hope.

Last of all – I pray they all experience the thankfulness for both life and family, in whatever form their family takes.

It is with a peaceful, joyful, and thankful heart that my wife is alive and healthy this FOURTH Christmas after the diagnosis. I pray for all of us men with beloved women who have, had, or will have, a breast cancer diagnosis...

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