From the first moment my wife discovered
she had breast cancer, there was a deafening silence from the men I know. Even
ones whose wives, mothers or girlfriends had breast cancer seemed to have
received a gag order from some Central Cancer Command and did little more than
mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known reason, I started
this blog…
It’s been over
five years since The Diagnosis. Just five since chemotherapy concluded. Four
since the implants – which will be removed as soon as my wife can get approval.
Lymphedema
continues like a plague, but the cancer drugs are over now. No symptoms of any
kind – except the hair never came back “the way it was”.
It’s almost scary
how the whole issue of breast cancer has…not receded, but become as much a part
of our history as, say, the family-made furniture, quilts, art, pottery, recipes,
and gardens around the house. Cancer has become an unremarked part of our daily
life.
Variations on a
theme come and go as well: my wife’s best friend is done with breast cancer
treatment; our friends whose child had leukemia don’t talk about it anymore; the
skin cancers I had removed have only reminders left; another friend whose wife
was diagnosed shortly before my wife was doesn’t mention it any more.
It’s as if when
you have such a close brush with mortality, it has become less…remarkable – as in,
less worthy of discussion.
Perhaps that comes
with age. I am still horrified when children are diagnosed with cancer. My
mother-in-law and brother-in-law both ultimately lost the battle against lung
and liver cancer. There are still diagnoses every day; and while my wife’s
friend’s diagnosis was shocking, it was hardly “surprising”. While we can’t
seem to DEAL with cancer in any calmness, nor can we seem to be able to prevent
it, we seem to have gotten good at finding it.
At least in this
country.
Cancer in “other”
countries has no real impact on my life right now, aside from the fact that I
spent several months in Nigeria, Cameroon, and Liberia – and some time in Haiti
as well. What about cancers in those countries? In particular, what about
breast cancer in those countries…
I think that, in
future GUYS GOTTA TALK, I’ll do some research to see what’s going on in each of
those countries in terms of breast cancer and other kinds…
Later…
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