Dad’s diagnosis of Alzheimer’s stayed
hidden from everyone until I took over the medical administration of my parents
in 2015. Once I found out, there was a deafening silence from most of the
people I know even though virtually all of them would add, “My _____ had
Alzheimer’s…” But there was little help, little beyond people sadly shaking
heads. Or horror stories. Lots of those. Even the ones who knew about the
disease seemed to have received a gag order from some Central Alzheimer’s
Command and did little more than mumble about the experience. Not one to shut
up for any known reason, I started this part of my blog…
There’s an
Alzheimer’s support group that meets once a month, across the street from where
Dad lives. I have the advertisement as a photo in my cell phone.
Since I started
this cruel journey two and a half years ago, there have been some thirty
meetings.
I’ve attended none
of them.
I’m also the
school counselor of some three hundred-plus senior high school students. I
attend to them from seven am to 2:30, 3:30, 4:30 and sometimes even five pm…with
certain individuals, I attend beyond that.
Two posts ago, I
talked about losing the focus of my life, losing focus on the ONLY relationship
that means anything to me. Losing the focus on my wife.
If she wasn’t
here, beside me, supporting me, going to school musicals with me, and listening
to me when I describe sob-stories, I don’t know what I’d do. Going to a
once-a-month Alzheimer’s-loved-one support group couldn’t POSSIBLY replace that.
Therein lies my
argument against taking on ANOTHER “thing”. If it wouldn’t help me if my wife
WASN’T here, how could it help me when she is? So I continue to resist.
What hope or help
could such a group provide anyway?
You can see the
facts in the poster you can link to below. Summarizing: 5 million (including my
dad) have been diagnosed. SIXTH leading cause of death in the US (I wonder if
that includes the car accidents caused by seniors who refuse to give up their
car keys and end up killing both themselves and others? Watching my dad cut
across five lanes of traffic to get back onto the interstate after he took the
wrong exit to get home set up the events that led to my parents moving into a
care facility.) A trillion…A TRILLION…dollars will end up being spent on
Alzheimer’s and dementia by the year 2050. Heart disease deaths? They’ve
dropped 14% due to research, treatments, and lifestyle changes. My mom lived to
82 because of the efforts put forth by the medical community (and us) to keep
her alive. Deaths from Alzheimer’s and dementia have risen NINETY PERCENT in
that same period of time. One in three seniors now die of Alzheimer’s and
dementia-related causes.
So what do they
do? Talk about it. Support each other.
I’m NOT saying
that it’s bad. But it’s not for me. It would be another two or three or four
hours out of my life and away from my wife to very little effective return. It’s
not like it’s an AA group. They aren’t trying to change their lives.
To be perfectly
cruel, they’re trying to change the trajectory of the disease – and not only is
that impossible, it’s what I do in this blog.
So, my love, my
wife, don’t worry about me joining something ELSE. You are my sanity and will
remain so. I lean on you, but I will NOT jump into your arms and make you carry
me!
Resource: https://www.alz.org/facts/
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