From the first moment my wife discovered
she had breast cancer, there was a deafening silence from the men I know. Even
ones whose wives, mothers or girlfriends had breast cancer seemed to have
received a gag order from some Central Cancer Command and did little more than
mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known reason, I started
this blog…
I haven’t said much about Gilda’s Club
because after my brief interest, I found I really didn’t have time to do much
with the information.
A week or so ago, Gilda’s Club Twin Cities
reached out to the local school districts, inviting someone from the district
to attend Imagine A Place Breakfast, A Free Fundraiser to Benefit Gilda’s Club (http://www.gildasclubtwincities.org/news/imagine-a-place-breakfast-thursday-april-26/)
“…we regularly get calls from schools asking how we can provide support when a
student, teacher, or staff member is impacted by cancer. In the next few years,
we will be more fully developing our children, teen, and family programming. As
part of this, we are looking to work closely with local school districts to
create awareness of our program as a community-based resource. Additionally, we
are developing creative programs such as a teen essay contest as well as a
“Gilda on the Go” program that will take elements of our program out into the
community, with schools being a key partner…I am inviting leadership from the
surrounding school districts to our Imagine a Place Breakfast…it is also a
powerful hour of inspiration and education to learn more about the psychosocial
impact cancer has on our community and how Gilda’s Club addresses these needs…I
thought this might be ideal timing to learn about our local resource…We would
love for you and/or individuals from the Robbinsdale School District to attend
to learn more.”
I had never heard
of Gilda’s Club until a few years ago, when my daughter interviewed there for a
position as a sort of “field test” or “pre-internship” in her master’s degree
program in art therapy.
According to
Wikipedia, “Gilda's Club was founded by Joanna Bull, Radner's cancer
psychotherapist along with Radner's widower, Gene Wilder (himself a cancer
survivor) and broadcaster Joel Siegel (who died after a long battle with the
disease). The first club opened in New York City in 1995, after a long
fundraising campaign that included movie trailers featuring Wilder in theaters
around the country. The organization took its former name from Radner's comment
that cancer gave her "membership to an elite club I'd rather not belong
to".”
My first reaction
was, “WHERE THE F…WAS THIS PLACE WHEN WE STARTED THE HIDEOUS JOURNEY THROUGH
CANCER?”
Yeah, my reaction,
in my head, really WAS that strong.
The main reason we
didn’t know about it was that it wasn’t here. Gilda’s Club opened here in 2014.
We started our journey in March of 2011. We’ll be “celebrating” the fifth
anniversary of that date this year.
I confess, I still
have bitter (VERY) feelings about the lack of support we got at the beginning.
My daughter shared something of the same sense after she started working at Gilda’s
Club a few weeks ago. In fact, she mentioned that this experience AS a
therapist intern might actually BECOME therapeutic for her.
It’s still been a
lonely slog. I KNOW I have nearly 50,000 hits here over the past seven years,
yet I still don’t talk to any other “male caregiver” about the journey. Even
though one of the men I work with and chat with on occasion is also a “male
caregiver”. The atmosphere at work isn’t conducive to talking at depth, even
though I am, ironically, a counselor!
And so I continue
on pretty much in silence, except for these blog entries.
Anyway, it’s GOOD
to know that others won’t have to go it alone anymore. Gilda’s Club has
twenty-something affiliates in places like New York, Chicago, Seattle, Palm
Desert, Fort Lauderdale, Davenport, and besides here, another fifteen or so
places. If you want a place near you, click on the link below in Resources. If
you’re in the Twin Cities, email me and I can give you a little bit of info.
I’d like to try
going to GC, but I still haven’t decided if I want to wallow in my bitterness a
little longer or maybe find other men willing to talk about being a caregiver
of a breast cancer survivor. I’ll keep you posted.
I’ll be going to
the breakfast with the intent of getting the tools necessary for me to create a
Fight Cancer group at the high school I work at (I was thinking of using a
different name, but I’m pretty sure Admin wouldn’t much care for it, though I
think we can call it that among ourselves (You might want to read this to get
the gist of my true feelings… http://breastcancerreaper.blogspot.com/2016/03/guys-gotta-talk-about-23f-cancer.html)
Again, I’ll keep
you posted!
Resources: http://www.cancersupportcommunity.org/,
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