Dad’s diagnosis of Alzheimer’s stayed
hidden from everyone until I took over the medical administration of my parents
in 2015. Once I found out, there was a deafening silence from most of the
people I know even though virtually all of them would add, “My _____ had
Alzheimer’s…” But there was little help, little beyond people sadly shaking heads.
Or horror stories. Lots of those. Even the ones who knew about the disease seemed
to have received a gag order from some Central Alzheimer’s Command and did
little more than mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known
reason, I started this part of my blog…
I’m a sucker for a
movie or book that’s all about reconciliation – The Jane Austen movies are
about reconciliation of broken relationships (They’re romances, too, but that’s
beside the point). STAR TREK: Wrath of Khan is about reconciliation between
Kirk and his son David. Even the Lego Movie has a father-son reconciliation at
the end.
The first movie
mom and dad brought us to see was the original MARY POPPINS. We saw it at the
Terrace Theater in Robbinsdale, the city Mom grew up in. At the very end, Mr.
Banks reconciles with his kids, dumping the “bank life” for flying a kite with
Jane and Michael.
I’ve been
reflecting lately about WHY reconciliation movies and books are so important to
me. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a sort of odd duck in the family. Dad
played football and basketball (in the day when players who were 6’1” were
tall, he was STILL short!). My brothers and sister played sports all through high
school and beyond. Even mom was a member of the Robbinsdale Girl’s Athletic
Club – tennis, badminton, and even fencing.
I didn’t do
sports. I read. I wrote. I played guitar. I went to a very religious college
and then went touring in Minnesota, North and South Dakota, Iowa, Wisconsin and
eventually West Africa with two different church bands. I went to Moorhead
State University and worked most of my summers at Bible camps.
I wasn’t home a
lot because, frankly, I didn’t feel like I belonged.
Then I got older
and wiser, got married, then Josh and Mary were born, and then Alzheimer’s
touched our lives. After Mom passed, it just seemed to get worse, but I started
to spend more time with Dad. Oddly, I started to feel closer to him as we did
more and more things together – like watching NASCAR racing, going to
restaurants after doctor or dentist visits, or going to The Lookout just
because. Our lives began to wind together like they never had when I was
younger. We would talk, sometimes just sit together, or go to an event here at
SilverCreek and enjoy ourselves. In the end, I felt reconciled – I felt like
Dad was part of my life again and that I was part of his. Maybe that’s why the
movies like Sing, and Back To The Future – and even FINDING NEMO meant so much to
me. They were always about reconciliation; about joining BACK together after a
time of separation. And I cried at those movies when I first saw them; and a
few days ago, I cried when I realized that me and Dad had reconciled…
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