The older I get, the more suffering and pain
I’ve experienced; and the more of both I stand witness to. From my wife’s (and
many, many of our friends and coworkers) battle against breast cancer; to my
dad’s (and the parents of many of our friends and coworkers) process as he
fades away as this complex disease breaks the connections between more and more
memories, I have become not only frustrated with suffering, pain, and having to
watch both, I have been witness to the suffering and pain among the students I serve
as a school counselor. I have become angry and sometimes paralyzed. This is my
attempt to lift myself from the occasional stifling grief that darkens my days…
I can barely comprehend this because I’ve pretty much blocked – or have
forgotten – what people did when people I loved and cared for died. (I’m deliberately
not using the euphemism here even though that “passed” or “passed away” works
well for me. It makes others, like my daughter, angry.)
In recent history, I’ve lost my mother, my father, my brother-in-law,
mother-in-law, father-in-law, as well as two former students.
What I remember most clearly however, is those who were with me.
Certainly with me physically, but more importantly much of the time FOR
ME, they chose to simply sit with me or stand by me or gently touch a shoulder,
elbow, arm. They didn’t need to speak.
The Bible mentions this kind of “with-ness”: “Rejoice with those who
rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15)
“Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the
overcoming of it.” Helen Keller
“One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is
love.” Sophocles
“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive
characters are seared with scars.” Kahlil Gibran
“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.” Lao Tzu
“Compassion is to share the pain without sharing the suffering.”
Shinzen Young
“Life is short and we have never too much time for gladdening the
hearts of those who are travelling the dark journey with us. Oh be swift to
love, make haste to be kind.” Henri Frederic Amiel
“For your every tear, know that I'll always be here. To bare one pain
we both will share, know I'll never disappear.” Anthony Liccione
“Shared joy is increased, shared pain is lessened.” Spider Robinson
The others are good, but I will take the Bible verse to heart because
that is the one thing that helped me bear up; it is the one thing I can DO for
others. Be there.
Resources: various
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