GUY’S GOTTA TALK ABOUT…Alzheimer’s #33: The Many Ugly Faces of Dementia

Dad’s diagnosis of Alzheimer’s stayed hidden from everyone until I took over the medical administration of my parents in 2015. Once I found out, there was a deafening silence from most of the people I know even though virtually all of them would add, “My _____ had Alzheimer’s…” But there was little help, little beyond people sadly shaking heads. Or horror stories. Lots of those. Even the ones who knew about the disease seemed to have received a gag order from some Central Alzheimer’s Command and did little more than mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known reason, I started this part of my blog…

While my dad had a diagnosed case of Alzheimer’s and I tracked his gradual decline based on the 7 stage (I look at them more closely here: https://breastcancerreaper.blogspot.com/search?q=seven+stage) system as opposed to the simpler but less descripting 3 stage system, we found that my mom was suffering from something they called “age associated memory impairment” (https://alzheimer.ca/en/about-dementia/do-i-have-dementia/differences-between-normal-aging-dementia). As well, she would have vivid dreams and sometimes think they were real, and even have occasional hallucinations.

That was a difficult time which ended with my mom passing three years before my dad did.

Welcome to another round of age associated memory impairment that is sliding into dementia.

According to several sites (see below), there are warning signs of this condition:

• Asking the same question repeatedly
• Having trouble completing simple or routine tasks
• Forgetting words
• Using the wrong word
• Getting lost in familiar places
• Losing everyday items like keys or purses
• Sudden changes in mood
• Loss of interest in hobbies, projects or events

My brother-in-law recently moved into a facility whose specialty is in helping men who have reached this point in their lives.

It’s been difficult to see this happen. At one point, though he was in his forties, he enthusiastically took part in the annual Iron Man race; he built a wooden canoe in his garage; he and his younger brother started a furniture making business and they had and used a massive shop in his back yard; he was a computer programming consultant for a major banking corporation. He had a sharp mind, a razor wit, and kept a small hobby farm where he lived during the summers after he retired.

He is now a shadow of his former self and sometimes forgets his baby sister’s name (my wife). He can barely walk and rarely tries.

I miss the old brother-in-law, but he’s at arm’s length (though we’ve been in-laws for more than thirty years), he’s ten years older than me. So, this has been extremely hard on my wife and she is SO sad to sit and watch her brother fade away – an event whose horror is exacerbated by the fact that we can’t see him because of COVID-19 restrictions.

When she talks to him on the phone, I (of course) hear clearly, and it regularly brings back jarring memories of me dealing with my dad as he descended into Alzheimer’s hell. Those memories are dredged up every time I overhear their conversations.

I hate dementia. I hate Alzheimer’s. My heart goes out to anyone who reads this who is suffering through this hideous time during which our parents/siblings/spouses turn into awful caricatures of their former selves…All you can do is hang on and keep moving forward. Lame advice at its worst, I know.

Resource: https://www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/what-is-dementia, https://alzheimer.ca/en/about-dementia/do-i-have-dementia/10-warning-signs-dementia, https://archive.alzheimer.ca/sites/default/files/files/national/core-lit-brochures/10-warning-signs_print-friendly.pdf?_ga=2.104771462.740806038.1606054473-1557823224.1606054473, https://blackbearrehab.com/mental-health/substance-induced-disorders/persisting-dementia/

Image: https://upload.inkspire.org/uploads%2F1503370874800-Alzheimer-disease-patients.jpg