Holidays are scientifically confirmed BAD times of the year for many people. Depression is worse. Alienation is worse. Loneliness is MUCH worse.
If you add to that the death of traditions you share with someone being treated for breast cancer or worse, shared with someone who died from it; the holidays can be downright HORRIBLE.
Cute Santas don’t cut it. Sleighbells jingling do nothing to alleviate the grief. No matter how many Christmas cookies you eat or spins of the dreidel you do or candles you light at Kwanza or curses you fling at people around you who are ENJOYING the Winter Solstice…none of those things change the feeling of loss inside of you.
Because, with loss or disruption in your life due to cancer, it IS all about you…
There are web sites that offer specific steps to deal with cancer or Alzheimer’s during the holidays. I’ve made a sort of composite wisdom from these sites. I’m sure there are others, so just visit them or even make up new solutions with your family. You’re surviving so far, you have internal strength!
FIRST: PLANNING can help avoid holiday stress. Individuals who experience the most difficulty with the holiday season are those who have given little thought to the challenges they will encounter. Consider ahead of time what may be expected of you, both socially and emotionally.
Keep it simple: Make a list of what is most meaningful to you and prioritize. Some families even create new traditions at times like this!
Enjoy special moments: Work to focus on traditions that have been established, but make them new to include people as they are TODAY rather than on how cancer or Alzheimer’s has changed a holiday or special occasion.
Give yourself the gift of acceptance: Acceptance, not so much of the loss, but of the grief you are experiencing is one step in the healing process. Thinking about and remembering your loved one at this time or how things USED to be brings pain and sadness. Don’t fight it, but let those around you into your grief and share it. It’s OK to be sad at this time.
Communicate with success in mind: Alzheimer’s can diminish a person’s ability to communicate. Cancer can seem all consuming. Be calm and supportive if the person has trouble communicating. Avoid criticism. For example, “You should be thankful for the holidays you’ve had!” isn’t useful. Stay in the present and if you are dealing with someone with Alzheimer’s, be flexible, and don’t argue with them.
Embrace hope: Do something that gives you a break from worries, and renews your sense of hope and satisfaction with life. Watching a favorite movie together with friends is low stress and can be a peaceful joy. Let go of what you can.
Celebrate strengths: You’ve all grown stronger in spirit during this time. Give thanks for what you can during the holidays.
Remember that it’s not about how much or how little you spend: This season is about making memories and celebrating the blessed and happy times.
Resources: https://www.cancercare.org/publications/55-coping_with_cancer_during_the_holidays?gclid=CjwKCAiAh_GNBhAHEiwAjOh3ZCRFbEsc68RBsQvfi1mNduPtAOYnYRVYL9WxUE02YRM_kAM5-wy2mRoCz-UQAvD_BwE, https://blog.dana-farber.org/insight/2019/11/coping-with-the-holidays-when-you-have-cancer/, https://www.oncolink.org/support/coping-with-cancer/oncolink-holiday-survival-guide/coping-tips-for-the-holidays/surviving-and-thriving-during-the-holiday-season-tips-for-patients-caregivers, https://harrisonseniorliving.com/parsons/10-holiday-tips-for-alzheimers
Image: https://www.yournewfoundation.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/MAIN-IMAGE_Grieving-at-Christmas_Foundations-Counseling.jpg
Cute Santas don’t cut it. Sleighbells jingling do nothing to alleviate the grief. No matter how many Christmas cookies you eat or spins of the dreidel you do or candles you light at Kwanza or curses you fling at people around you who are ENJOYING the Winter Solstice…none of those things change the feeling of loss inside of you.
Because, with loss or disruption in your life due to cancer, it IS all about you…
There are web sites that offer specific steps to deal with cancer or Alzheimer’s during the holidays. I’ve made a sort of composite wisdom from these sites. I’m sure there are others, so just visit them or even make up new solutions with your family. You’re surviving so far, you have internal strength!
FIRST: PLANNING can help avoid holiday stress. Individuals who experience the most difficulty with the holiday season are those who have given little thought to the challenges they will encounter. Consider ahead of time what may be expected of you, both socially and emotionally.
Keep it simple: Make a list of what is most meaningful to you and prioritize. Some families even create new traditions at times like this!
Enjoy special moments: Work to focus on traditions that have been established, but make them new to include people as they are TODAY rather than on how cancer or Alzheimer’s has changed a holiday or special occasion.
Give yourself the gift of acceptance: Acceptance, not so much of the loss, but of the grief you are experiencing is one step in the healing process. Thinking about and remembering your loved one at this time or how things USED to be brings pain and sadness. Don’t fight it, but let those around you into your grief and share it. It’s OK to be sad at this time.
Communicate with success in mind: Alzheimer’s can diminish a person’s ability to communicate. Cancer can seem all consuming. Be calm and supportive if the person has trouble communicating. Avoid criticism. For example, “You should be thankful for the holidays you’ve had!” isn’t useful. Stay in the present and if you are dealing with someone with Alzheimer’s, be flexible, and don’t argue with them.
Embrace hope: Do something that gives you a break from worries, and renews your sense of hope and satisfaction with life. Watching a favorite movie together with friends is low stress and can be a peaceful joy. Let go of what you can.
Celebrate strengths: You’ve all grown stronger in spirit during this time. Give thanks for what you can during the holidays.
Remember that it’s not about how much or how little you spend: This season is about making memories and celebrating the blessed and happy times.
Resources: https://www.cancercare.org/publications/55-coping_with_cancer_during_the_holidays?gclid=CjwKCAiAh_GNBhAHEiwAjOh3ZCRFbEsc68RBsQvfi1mNduPtAOYnYRVYL9WxUE02YRM_kAM5-wy2mRoCz-UQAvD_BwE, https://blog.dana-farber.org/insight/2019/11/coping-with-the-holidays-when-you-have-cancer/, https://www.oncolink.org/support/coping-with-cancer/oncolink-holiday-survival-guide/coping-tips-for-the-holidays/surviving-and-thriving-during-the-holiday-season-tips-for-patients-caregivers, https://harrisonseniorliving.com/parsons/10-holiday-tips-for-alzheimers
Image: https://www.yournewfoundation.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/MAIN-IMAGE_Grieving-at-Christmas_Foundations-Counseling.jpg
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