Saturday, July 27, 2013

The Reconstruction Era – Part 5

From the first moment my wife discovered she had breast cancer, there was a deafening silence from the men I know. Even ones whose wives, mothers or girlfriends had breast cancer seemed to have received a gag order from some Central Cancer Command and did little more than mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known reason, I started this blog…

“It appears that the next event is breast reconstruction!”

What I have discovered is that “reconstruction” is an ongoing process. Like The South after the Civil  War, which took many years to recover, my wife is slowly recovering from the surgery, chemotherapy – and now the initial surgery to put in the spacers.

As I’ve documented before, THAT surgery necessitated a few nights of sheer agony, followed by several weeks of rebuilding strength and then regular injections of saline solution in order to stretch the skin so that the ACTUAL implants could be placed some time in November or December.

We are now at some two years and four months after the initial double mastectomy.

Reconstruction in The South took anywhere from twelve to fourteen to “it’s not done yet”…

How long will breast reconstruction last?

Not forever, that’s for certain! There are already signs that things are proceeding apace. After a “triple fill” of saline in the expanders, the increase in size is noticeable and while there’s quite a bit of soreness and tenderness and an obvious sense of stretching involved, there is also a sense of “completion” that I’ve noticed as well.

While we never stopped “winking and butt tweaking” during this time, the winking is now proceeding to raising eyebrows. There’s a sense of a return to normalcy. While doctor visits will be something that will last “forever” as blood tests and other tests will be a part of the new normal, dealing with the after effects of breast cancer have become integrated into life rather than something that happens in panic mode or has to be considered carefully.

While I loathe the path we’ve had to take to get here, I love the fact that we are NOW here
 

Saturday, July 20, 2013

BREAST CANCER RESEARCH RIGHT NOW! 12: And FINALLY Some Good News!

From the first moment my wife discovered she had breast cancer, there was a deafening silence from the men I know. Even ones whose wives, mothers or girlfriends had breast cancer seemed to have received a gag order from some Central Cancer Command and did little more than mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known reason, I started this blog…
 
Every month, I’ll be highlighting breast cancer research that is going on RIGHT NOW! Harvested from different websites, journals and podcasts, I’ll translate them into understandable English and share them with you. Today: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/04/130425091345.htm (Yeah, I know, this seems to be the site that highlights cutting edge breast cancer research – there’s SO much more there, you should put it on your Favorites Bar and check it often! If you don’t get something, I CAN translate (BS in biology, 33 years of experience teaching science of all sorts, to kids of all sorts…from astronomy to zoology. I CAN help!)
 
As they said in the old Monty Python and His Flying Circus, “And now for something completely different.”

It sounds like a “joke” – and I’m sure there are mitigating circumstances – but the headline says it all!

COFFEE MAY HELP PREVENT BREAST  CANCER RETURNING, STUDY FINDS!

The data are there. They echo similar studies reported in 2011 – though that study cautioned: “We suggest that this may have something to do with the way the coffee was prepared, or the type of bean preferred. It is unlikely that the protective effect is due to phytoestrogens present in coffee since there was no reduction in the incidence of ER-positive cancer in this study.

"So while it is evident that coffee may have beneficial effects in protecting women from ER negative breast cancer the exact mechanism and compounds involved are not yet clear and not all types of coffee are the same.”

While this will probably make the people who read it smile and shake their heads (that’s what I did), I wonder if my reaction to this news is a comment on the depth of my sadness when it comes to thinking about breast cancer. Do I ask myself, “How can anything as fun as a cup of coffee be a good against something as horrendous as breast cancer?”

Maybe I could lighten up a bit on myself, eh?

In A GRIEF OBSERVED (a book by CS Lewis I commented on in this post: http://breastcancerreaper.blogspot.com/2013/07/random-thoughts-on-breast-cancer.html), he says, “The best is perhaps what we understand the least.”

Coffee helps prevent breast cancer’s return? I don’t understand it. Neither do the researchers –but let’s toast it joyfully anyway – with coffee cups!
 

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Random Thoughts On Breast Cancer, Reconstructive Surgery, Pain, and Suffering

I am a huge fan of CS Lewis, the Christian apologetics writer – I even consider myself an armchair-expert as I’ve read almost everything that he has written. Beyond The Chronicles of Narnia and The Space Trilogy, Lewis wrote literary criticism as well as deeply literary works like Till We Have Faces (a retelling of the myth of Psyche and Cupid).
 
He also wrote about pain and loss. The Problem of Pain (“in which he seeks to provide an intellectual Christian response to questions about suffering”) was written in 1940, long before he experienced the deepest of pains and loss – his wife (albeit briefly – a civil marriage in 1956 (they lived apart and it kept her and her sons from being kicked out of England when their visas expired) and a Christian marriage a year later) died of breast cancer that had metastasized into bone cancer in 1960 and he wrote the book, A Grief Observed from four notebooks he’d kept while Joy was dying, in 1961, publishing it anonymously.
 
I realize now that I have been wallowing in grief ever since the initial diagnosis. I have turned away from God. I have gorged myself until I was fatter than I had ever been in my life. The reconstructive surgery didn’t help – I felt a deep guilt at her getting it – and suffering – “for my sake”.
 
As I said, I am a fan of CS Lewis. I have tried reading the Bible and have repeatedly failed.
 
I only discovered a few moments ago that Joy Davidman not only died because of undiagnosed breast cancer, she died from metastatic bone cancer. Lewis knew all this; suffered all of this – and yet took his anger out, took his suffering out, wrote out his pain…so that people like me could BENEFIT from his own suffering. It is NOT the same suffering that his wife went through. Mine is NOT the same suffering that my wife has gone through.
 
It is as different as puppies and oranges.
 
Yet it is related on a deeper level. While oranges are fruit of plants and puppies are young of dogs, both carry the future of the species. Both spring from DNA. Different but related.
 
While my wife has dealt with her suffering and grief, I have not. I have let it fester and stink and grow until I feel like a puffball – ready to explode with a black cloud of poisonous spores.
 
I finally read some quotes from Lewis, from both the Problem Of Pain and A Grief Observed. While I don’t think I am “cured”, I may have finally found a way to grab hold of my anger, pain, and grief. I’ll keep you posted. Below you’ll find some of the very best of what CS Lewis had to say as his new wife suffered through the final stages of breast and bone cancer.
 
"A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word 'darkness' on the walls of his cell." ― The Problem of Pain
 
"When pain is to be borne, a little courage helps more than much knowledge, a little human sympathy more than much courage, and the least tincture of the love of God more than all." ― The Problem of Pain
 
"Now God, who has made us, knows what we are and that our happiness lies in Him." ―The Problem of Pain
 
"Knock and it shall be opened.' But does knocking mean hammering and kicking the door like a maniac?" ― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

"God has not been trying an experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn't. In this trial He makes us occupy the dock, the witness box, and the bench all at once. He always knew that my temple was a house of cards. His only way of making me realize the fact was to knock it down." ― A Grief Observed
 
"Not that I am (I think) in much danger of ceasing to believe in God. The real danger is of coming to believe such dreadful things about Him. The conclusion I dread is not 'So there's no God after all,' but 'So this is what God's really like.’ Deceive yourself no longer." ― A Grief Observed
 
"Can a mortal ask questions which God finds unanswerable? Quite easily, I should think. All nonsense questions are unanswerable. How many hours are in a mile? Is yellow square or round? Probably half the questions we ask - half our great theological and metaphysical problems - are like that." ― A Grief Observed
 
"For in grief nothing 'stays put.' One keeps on emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral?" ― A Grief Observed
 

Saturday, July 6, 2013

BREAST CANCER WISDOM 3: From Others and From Life Here…

From the first moment my wife discovered she had breast cancer, there was a deafening silence from the men I know. Even ones whose wives, mothers or girlfriends had breast cancer seemed to have received a gag order from some Central Cancer Command and did little more than mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known reason, I started this blog…
 
This blog:
 
 
does the same thing I do here – but SHE’S the one who is writing the blog.
 
Note that she is a woman. I STILL can’t find any blogs written by MEN. I think that’s sad. Maybe even criminal. Even so, of the fifteen comments, most of the comments are from women – I can’t tell the gender of the viewers, but I DO know that I’ve had 9500 views. ALL of them can’t be women – so why don’t the men leave comments?
 
Susie Lindau’s blog is one more tool in dealing with breast cancer!
 
 

Saturday, June 29, 2013

A Fantastic Cancer Voyage Chapter 1 VIII

From the first moment my wife discovered she had breast cancer, there was a deafening silence from the men I know. Even ones whose wives, mothers or girlfriends had breast cancer seemed to have received a gag order from some Central Cancer Command and did little more than mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known reason, I started this blog…

One of my fondest memories as a kid is watching the movie FANTASTIC VOYAGE. In it, a group of scientists and their ultra-futuristic laser-packing “submarine” are reduced to cell size and injected into the blood vessels of a world diplomat in order to destroy a blood clot in his brain.

What would a FANTASTIC VOYAGE: Breast Cancer look like? I’m going to write a novel here, short chapter by short chapter and I’m going to include the latest research and I’m going to imagine the entire story here for your delectation. Likely it WON’T be once a month…

Dr. Olubunmi Nwagbara – Ohloo to her close friends, Dr. O to those who wouldn’t try her last name for fear of offending her. Kim Lin Ghandi, world-renowned philosopher and The Last Hope For World Peace studied a renowned breast cancer researcher and physician.

Close on Ohloo’s heels were her personal security guards – Seven Mark from the state of Minnesota and her boss, Alex Benton. Ohloo noted that he looked about fifteen and fresh from his sophomore year in high school. She lifted her tablet computer and with a few taps brought up his bio: twenty-eight, served two tours of duty, first one in the Iraq Cleanup, then the First Pakistan War, both time as a logistician – assistant at first, then chief. At first she couldn’t figure out what food and clothing had to do with guarding here. Then she dug a bit deeper and discovered that his specialty was weapons procurement. He was also a first degree black belt in some martial-sounding art called bando. She wasn’t surprised when she tried to see what kinds of training or rank Bai Zhen Xu and was blocked.

She stopped to get coffee at the hospital’s world-class coffee shop; refusing any offer of a cup made anywhere but there. She paid up a year in advance so that she would never short change herself. The moment she set foot in the place, they had her order started.

Khadija was working today, so Ohloo said, “So, what are you taking over summer?”

She grinned then groaned, “PrinPath right now. PrinPharm second summer.”

Ohloo groaned. Khadija was an on-call nurse during the school year and worked the summer in the coffee shop. Ohloo had written one of the recommendations that had helped her get into the University of Minnesota’s medical school. She made sure she checked up on her discretely . She took her coffee, noticed that Bai Zhen Xu had signaled Khadija for a coffee as well. She seemed so strictly controlled, Ohloo found it satisfying that she allowed herself one indulgence.

She headed to her own office then, planning to catch up on some paperwork and then start to map the path she would dive to attack Kim Lin Ghandi’s cancers. Kevin and Xu followed her into the outer office. Her “secretary” was a first generation Artificial Intelligence; not smart, but pleasant and polite. It was also impossible to flatter, insult, bribe or intimidate it. She was a three dimensional projection that, while she looked more or less substantial, was obviously not real.

She said, “Good morning, Doctor Nwagbara. How are you today?”

“Just fine, Gormenghast. You’re looking as transparent as usual.”

 

“Thank you, Ma’am. Your schedule is in the desk projection and your email has been sorted by urgency.”

“Thanks. Make sure my personal body guard stays out here and guards the office.”

“Yes, Ma’am. I’ll do that.”

Before either one could get closer, Gormenghast slid the door closed over their protests. Ohloo smiled. Just like her namesake, she would stand against anything short of an all-out assault.

Ohloo stopped for a moment. One wall of the office was a window that looked south over the Guggenheim Building, parking lots and the rest of the city of Rochester. It always gave her a faint feeling of vertigo when she first stepped in. She got over it instantly, but relished it for the sense of impending doom – however nonsensical.

She went to the desk and turned back to the door and scowled. She said to the man sitting in her guest seat, “How’d you manage to get past Gormenghast, your Holiness?”

The man, the blackest man she’d ever met, whose white sclera had yellowed with age, giving him the impression of having old ivory eyes set in ebony wood. He was hairless, even the eyebrows were missing, and his skin was deeply wrinkled. He said, “I’m an evangelical. We don’t go in for all that ecclesiastical nonsense.”

She lifted her chin as she sat down, passing her hand over the center of the desk to bring up a virtual work screen. She set it to opaque so the Reverend Isamar Noor was behind it and she wouldn’t have to talk to him. She didn’t want to talk to him.

“I know you don’t want to talk to me,” he said.

“You can talk to Alex. You should expect a call from him in the next few days. I am somewhat busy right now so you can see yourself out.” She knew how he got in. He’d been on the original construction crew when the Gonda Building was raised as a supervisor and so he knew the blueprints by heart and was able to go pretty much wherever he wanted to go. He’d been talking to her about whether or not her work with picomachines was God’s Work or Of The Devil. At least he’d never ranted at her. He discussed and argued. She had no idea why he was here today.

He said abruptly, “So if Kim Lin Ghandi is the incarnation of Anti-Christ and you help her  live, you may very well be labeled the Great Whore of Babylon…”

Image: http://medgadget.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/11/Fantastic-Voyage-200x290.jpg

Sunday, June 23, 2013

The Reconstruction Era – Part 4

From the first moment my wife discovered she had breast cancer, there was a deafening silence from the men I know. Even ones whose wives, mothers or girlfriends had breast cancer seemed to have received a gag order from some Central Cancer Command and did little more than mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known reason, I started this blog…
 
“It appears that the next event is breast reconstruction!”
 
Nope, STILL not it!
 
So, my wife is sitting across from me, watching golf, a bit over six days after surgery.
 
The tubes are still in – four of them for drainage of the surgical field. (It took me almost an HOUR to find the illustration above! Isn’t that crazy? But at least now you know!) Two will come out later this week, the other two until the drainage drops to near zero. They are there to clear fluid out that the body floods the incision area with. Normal it’s absorbed back into the bloodstream, but with major surgery, it overwhelms the system. The drains smooth things out and leave less behind for infection.
 
NOT that we don’t have to be concerned about infection.
 
And pain.
 
And maintenance.
 
At any rate. My wife was actually up enough yesterday to spend time with her sister and sister-in-law in a southern suburb of Minneapolis while my daughter and foster daughter went on a shopping mission to the Mall of America.
 
She was only able to stay for a couple of hours, but enjoyed herself immensely.
 
THAT of course, was in the middle of a power outage. The largest in Minnesota history...yahoo. You can bet that THAT induced a bit of neo-panic! That passed, but we’re left with a heat wave now. Several people will be stopping in to see my wife over the next few days and my daughter and I have easily taken on the role of grocery-shoppers and cooks; housekeeping and laundering; lawn-mowing and weeding; dog and cat feeding and grooming – all jobs my wife does with unstinting love.
 
All-in-all however, we’re surprised that she’s bounced back as quickly as she has. It’s not even a week yet – she went under Monday morning…she JUST said, “I can’t believe I had the surgery!”…even as I typed this. Plus, the surgeon thought she was SO concave chested that she gave her a small saline injection into the expanders – so she came back with boobs!
 
Even our daughter commented, “You’re showing a little cleavage there, Mom!”
 
So – stage two…or is it three or four?...seems to have reached some kind of completion. She is recovering and looking forward to the next step: saline into the expanders in order to stretch the skin in preparation for the implants themselves in November of December.
 
I’ll keep you posted and if you have any questions or comments, shoot them my way and I’ll try and answer them!
 

WORST POWER OUTAGE IN MINNESOTA HISTORY!

 
Like it says -- we've been out of power since Friday night. (We live in the upper left hand corner!) I'll get caught up shortly!

Guy