So today I’m
headed for the Great Minnesota Get Together! While I have not attended the
State Fair for seventy-five years (http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/220067891.html),
I’ve gone to the Fair since I was about 13 and only missed a few in there
because I was out of the country. My family makes SURE I get there at least
once – no matter how tight the budget.
I also turned to
this Bible verse recently (yes, I am a religious person, Christian by choice, and
have been all through this breast cancer change in life):
“I will extol
You, O Lord, for You have lifted me up,
And have not let my enemies rejoice over me.
2 O Lord my God,
I cried to You for help, and You healed me.
3 O Lord, You have brought up my soul from Sheol;
You have kept me alive, that I would not go down to the pit.
4 Sing praise to the Lord, you His godly ones,
And give thanks to His holy name.
5 For His anger is but for a moment,
His favor is for a lifetime;
Weeping may last for the night,
But a shout of joy comes in the morning.
And have not let my enemies rejoice over me.
2 O Lord my God,
I cried to You for help, and You healed me.
3 O Lord, You have brought up my soul from Sheol;
You have kept me alive, that I would not go down to the pit.
4 Sing praise to the Lord, you His godly ones,
And give thanks to His holy name.
5 For His anger is but for a moment,
His favor is for a lifetime;
Weeping may last for the night,
But a shout of joy comes in the morning.
6 Now as for me, I said in my prosperity,
“I will never be moved.”
7 O Lord, by Your favor You have made my mountain to stand strong;
You hid Your face, I was dismayed.
8 To You, O Lord, I called,
And to the Lord I made supplication:
9 “What profit is there in my blood, if I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise You? Will it declare Your faithfulness?
“I will never be moved.”
7 O Lord, by Your favor You have made my mountain to stand strong;
You hid Your face, I was dismayed.
8 To You, O Lord, I called,
And to the Lord I made supplication:
9 “What profit is there in my blood, if I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise You? Will it declare Your faithfulness?
10 “Hear, O Lord, and be gracious to me;
O Lord, be my helper.”
11 You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness,
12 That my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.”
O Lord, be my helper.”
11 You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness,
12 That my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.”
Psalm 30
The relationship
I’ve have with God these past two-plus years has been up and down. Not from God’s
side -- God’s been there the entire time. From my side, I’ve been an
on-again-off-again follower. Anger has been an issue, but fortunately, God is
the God of the UNIVERSE and has taken my anger, absorbed it and then given back
solidity.
Not so much me.
While I have YET
to do any dancing about breast cancer, the mourning is pretty much past and the
sackcloth has definitely been replaced by...well, not gladness, but
THANKFULNESS.
My wife has been
getting expander fills in the months since they were placed and in both looks
and feeling, she is rounding out beautifully! So while my soul may not be
singing God’s praises, I’ve been humming them more often lately. My heart may
not be healed yet, but I don’t feel as if I’m bleeding any more.
And I’m finally
working on forgiving God for including breast cancer in my wife’s life
experience. I continually tell myself that as God of the Universe, God knows a
lot more than me and knows a lot more about the future.
Right now, I’m
learning to be at peace with that.
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