Saturday, August 17, 2013

BREAST CANCER WISDOM 4: From Others and From Life Here…

From the first moment my wife discovered she had breast cancer, there was a deafening silence from the men I know. Even ones whose wives, mothers or girlfriends had breast cancer seemed to have received a gag order from some Central Cancer Command and did little more than mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known reason, I started this blog…

There AREN’T ANY BLOGS BY MEN, FOR MEN.

Does what I am trying to do here – pass on information, hope, and experiences.

I took another pass through the blogs the involve men – husbands, brothers, boyfriends, friends – of women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer. I was unsurprised to find few current, regular sites. Of the two I did find (both listed below), one is the home site for a foundation – which is good, but impersonal; the other is the advertising site for a former writer for US News and World Report and a current National Geographic editor – which is fine, but while urging me to “buy the book”, offers little in the way of current interaction. (The message board has been “coming soon” for at least a year – when I first visited the site).

This one’s dead: http://www.breastcancerforhusbands.com/ and hasn’t been maintained since 2009.

And so I come back to me. I’ve worked hard to keep this up to date and positive. My readership has grown steadily and while I rarely get comments, I know people are reading the articles. I just don’t know WHO is reading them.

At any rate, I can still share words of encouragement from men whose women have been diagnosed with breast cancer:

“Even though many publishers told me that ‘men don't buy self-help books,’ I was sure this was one book that guys would buy–and if they didn't, their wives would buy it for them.” – Marc Silver (New York)

“‘I tried to stay positive so I didn’t add to her stress,’ says Dan Wackershauser, 37, a communications specialist at the University of Wisconsin-Platteville. ‘My focus was to get her better.’” (Wisconsin)

“I shared with my new breast cancer husband friend a verse I find strengthening and inspiring, Hebrews 4:16, ‘Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.’” – Mitchell (his site hasn’t been updated since 2009)

“We felt our family and friends didn’t understand how serious things had become…I started making these photos, because we felt people needed to see…The words weren’t working.” – Angelo Merendino (New York)

“‘From a male's point of view, all you want to do is fix it,’ he says, supporting the release of a National Breast Cancer Foundation report on a gap in resources and support for male partners of women living with breast cancer.” – Brian Brady (Australia)

Thankful that he caught his cancer early, Mr. Bush is now raising awareness in his local church community about the importance of checking for symptoms. ‘Men need to know. It's not just a woman's disease. This is now my mission,’ he said.” – Ron Bush (South Carolina)

“It is often said that good things come from bad situations. I can endorse this wholeheartedly. From the moment I realised that Ann’s life was potentially at risk, my emotions ran riot, but most importantly, I realised just how much Ann means to me. It’s an old cliché but people do take relationships and life for granted, and, although not welcome, this was a wake up call for us. My attitude to life and in particular life with Ann has been brought back into focus. I have learnt much about myself, mostly good, and have seen Ann in a completely different light. I admire her strength, courage and honesty in dealing with this crisis. Her attitude has made it easier in some ways for me to deal with. My role in supporting Ann through the coming treatments is clear and uncompromising.” – Barry Hyde (United Kingdom)

All good stuff. All powerful words and images…but still no blogs…

I will continue my search.

Resources: http://www.menagainstbreastcancer.org/,  http://www.nextavenue.org/article/2012-07/how-be-good-husband-when-your-wife-has-breast-cancer, http://www.foxnews.com/health/2013/04/08/husband-documents-wife-battle-with-cancer-through-stunning-photo-series/#ixzz2cDpi3wrRhttp://www.breastcancerhusband.com/, http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/health-fitness/husband-shares-breast-cancer-journey/story-fneuzlbd-1226669861145#ixzz2cE6ziM4R, http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2325720/Meet-husband-battled-breast-cancer-alongside-wife--HE-undergo-mastectomy.html#ixzz2cE8MkNB6, http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/cancer-help/coping-with-cancer/tips/emotionally/breast-cancer-a-husbands-perspective
Image: http://topnews.ae/images/Paul-Cross63.jpg

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