Monday, November 18, 2013

Round Three: Random Thoughts On Breast Cancer, Reconstructive Surgery, Lymphedema, Pain, Work, Suffering, and Joy

Two years ago – three this March 2014 – I would not have been able to imagine that anything could have possibly diverted my mind from thoughts of the breast cancer in my wife. Yet the diagnosis is past, the surgery is past, the chemotherapy is past, the hair growth is past, the reconstruction is mostly past…and now there are DAYS I don’t think about breast cancer.

Of course, cancer itself if never far away. The child of a colleague of mine was recently diagnosed with leukemia…and now from afar, I can see the horror and terror of the impending campaign against cancer all over again.

Yet, I have found progress and some amount of joy recently. Talking to an old friend of mine, we were catching up on the recent experiences of our wives, both of whom were diagnosed with breast cancer – my wife’s journey I’ve written  about here. He is a more private man and aside from telling his group of online friends about the diagnosis and some of the steps of the treatment, he really didn’t say much.

Until my wife was diagnosed as well. That commonality of dismay drew us together after years and while I don’t often see him, I feel a deep and abiding connection with him and know that our lives intertwined in a startling and unexpected way.

So I discovered that other things can now distract me. I’ve grown roots that I’d never needed before, and discovered a new strength I never knew I had. That I never knew was possible – it was a forged kind of strength. You know the kind if you’ve seen the LORD OF THE RINGS movies. It was the kind of strength that came from the reforging of something that was broken – Narsil – and then remade into a stronger, sleeker, more powerful weapon, the new sword, Andúril.

It accomplished great things once, that is, it stopped the dark lord, Sauron and nearly destroyed him. It was remade to accomplish greater things still and when Sauron once again attempted to take over Middle Earth, Andúril not only assured his defeat, it ushered in a New Age.

It appears to me that the New Age has not arrived. The health of my parents is deteriorating and my son left for 5 years of service in the Army.

It appears that while I may have been reforged in the fires of my wife’s struggle through breast cancer, I will be tempered by new fires – and perhaps pass through to be part of greater things.

Just in case you were wondering – this is called ramblings for a reason…


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