Anger.
Angry.
We are NOT supposed to be angry because our beloved has “The Big C” and it’s unconscionable to add more stress to their already shattered lives.
We CAN’T be mad because it’s unproductive. We need to be focused on their recovery!
Anger does absolutely nothing but tie our guts up in knots; blinds us to needs our loved one has; is incredibly selfish!
I was angry. My daughter was angry. My son – no obvious effect except supportive…which of course shames me.
But what if we ARE mad? At God…at society…at chemical companies…at biology…How much more complex can cancer get?
Is there any kind of hope?
Angry.
We are NOT supposed to be angry because our beloved has “The Big C” and it’s unconscionable to add more stress to their already shattered lives.
We CAN’T be mad because it’s unproductive. We need to be focused on their recovery!
Anger does absolutely nothing but tie our guts up in knots; blinds us to needs our loved one has; is incredibly selfish!
I was angry. My daughter was angry. My son – no obvious effect except supportive…which of course shames me.
But what if we ARE mad? At God…at society…at chemical companies…at biology…How much more complex can cancer get?
Is there any kind of hope?
I was always told that God is big enough to handle my anger.
King David shouted at God, “How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?” (Psalm 13:1)
“And the nations were enraged…” (Revelation 11:18)
King David served God for a long time; Jesus will return to save His people. He can handle our anger. In their book, ANGRY WITH GOD, the authors quote Pierre Wolff: “When people can express harsh feelings to the One who [who is] the object [of that anger], love is already stronger in them than their feelings. Love is already transforming, transfiguring, this feeling into something else, something closer to love than to hatred.”
On the blog, “PS, I Love You”, author Khadejah wrote, “I was frustrated, scared, and sad that they couldn’t tell me sooner. I wasn’t mad at my mom for being diagnosed with breast cancer, I was mad that she always has to downplay her health to protect me. Well, I’m not doing that anymore. It’s time for me to protect her. I’m strong enough to handle it.”
At the Stanford Medicine website, I found, “Although your spouse has cancer, the illness is really happening to both of you. Your life is being disrupted in many of the same ways. You are sharing many of the same emotions and concerns…It can be tremendously reassuring and comforting to your loved one to know that the two of you are facing the illness together and that your support and involvement will be steadfast and unwavering regardless of what happens.”
A book from the National Cancer Institute, aimed at teenagers, concludes: “No booklet or person can tell you exactly how everything is going to work out. Cancer is tough, and your life may never be quite the same. But in the end, you will get through it. Why? You’re strong. And you are capable—even if you don’t always feel that way.”
Finally, from the 2010 article, “Coping with cancer: The perspective of patients’ relatives”, by Mariët Hagedoorn, Ulrika Kreicbergs & Charlotte Appel, the conclusion, “…cancer has an effect on the whole family. Remarkably though most relatives adapt well to the cancer of a loved one. That is only a minority appears to be at risk for psychological morbidity. Bereavement has been found to impact psychological well-being in the short-term, but it does also not appear to be a major risk factor for severe psychopathology…Future studies that focus on the interactions between patients and family members are of great importance to further the field by providing more insight into the family dynamics of dealing with cancer.”
Resources: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.3109/0284186X.2010.536165, https://www.cancer.gov/publications/patient-education/when-your-parent-has-cancer.pdf, https://med.stanford.edu/survivingcancer/cancer-and-stress/when-your-spouse-has-cancer.html, https://psiloveyou.xyz/my-mom-told-me-she-has-cancer-and-i-got-mad-at-her-ba3c88b5b9a0, https://www.amazon.com/Angry-God-Michele-Novotni/dp/1576832228
Image: http://www.quoteambition.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/encourage-quotes-destiny.jpg
King David shouted at God, “How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?” (Psalm 13:1)
“And the nations were enraged…” (Revelation 11:18)
King David served God for a long time; Jesus will return to save His people. He can handle our anger. In their book, ANGRY WITH GOD, the authors quote Pierre Wolff: “When people can express harsh feelings to the One who [who is] the object [of that anger], love is already stronger in them than their feelings. Love is already transforming, transfiguring, this feeling into something else, something closer to love than to hatred.”
On the blog, “PS, I Love You”, author Khadejah wrote, “I was frustrated, scared, and sad that they couldn’t tell me sooner. I wasn’t mad at my mom for being diagnosed with breast cancer, I was mad that she always has to downplay her health to protect me. Well, I’m not doing that anymore. It’s time for me to protect her. I’m strong enough to handle it.”
At the Stanford Medicine website, I found, “Although your spouse has cancer, the illness is really happening to both of you. Your life is being disrupted in many of the same ways. You are sharing many of the same emotions and concerns…It can be tremendously reassuring and comforting to your loved one to know that the two of you are facing the illness together and that your support and involvement will be steadfast and unwavering regardless of what happens.”
A book from the National Cancer Institute, aimed at teenagers, concludes: “No booklet or person can tell you exactly how everything is going to work out. Cancer is tough, and your life may never be quite the same. But in the end, you will get through it. Why? You’re strong. And you are capable—even if you don’t always feel that way.”
Finally, from the 2010 article, “Coping with cancer: The perspective of patients’ relatives”, by Mariët Hagedoorn, Ulrika Kreicbergs & Charlotte Appel, the conclusion, “…cancer has an effect on the whole family. Remarkably though most relatives adapt well to the cancer of a loved one. That is only a minority appears to be at risk for psychological morbidity. Bereavement has been found to impact psychological well-being in the short-term, but it does also not appear to be a major risk factor for severe psychopathology…Future studies that focus on the interactions between patients and family members are of great importance to further the field by providing more insight into the family dynamics of dealing with cancer.”
Resources: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.3109/0284186X.2010.536165, https://www.cancer.gov/publications/patient-education/when-your-parent-has-cancer.pdf, https://med.stanford.edu/survivingcancer/cancer-and-stress/when-your-spouse-has-cancer.html, https://psiloveyou.xyz/my-mom-told-me-she-has-cancer-and-i-got-mad-at-her-ba3c88b5b9a0, https://www.amazon.com/Angry-God-Michele-Novotni/dp/1576832228
Image: http://www.quoteambition.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/encourage-quotes-destiny.jpg
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