ENCORE #179! – The Post Cancer Crash

From the first moment my wife discovered she had breast cancer in March of 2011, there was a deafening silence from the men I knew. Even ones whose wives, mothers or girlfriends had breast cancer seemed to have received a gag order from some Central Cancer Command and did little more than mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known reason, I started this blog…That was four years ago – as time passed, people searching for answers stumbled across my blog and checked out what I had to say. The following entry first appeared in June of 2012…

Right after the literal and economic “boom” of WWI, came the Roaring Twenties. Life was good, coming together as Americans during The War Against The Kaiser had been followed by the heady rush of becoming a World Power, and it looked like the future was going to be bright, indeed.

Right after WWII came the Fabulous Fifties when America could do no wrong and we invented everything from hula hoops to the H-bomb and Elvis Presley.

The Great Depression came crashing down on the heels of the Roaring Twenties and the Fabulous Fifties were followed by the riots and assassinations of the Tumultuous Sixties.

For me, the bravery, positive outlook, and grand support of the Diagnosis, Surgery and Treatment year has come crashing down around my ears as the Post-Cancer Crash. Chemo is done, regular “How’s your wife doing this week?”s have dwindled to the occasional, off-hand query usually briefly answered.

My pink shoelaces are tattered and my wristband is dirty and faded. I am, quite frankly, left feeling depressed. No one’s fault but my own as there appears to be no more battle to fight. There’s no more heart-stopping terror to overcome. And really? My wife is alive and hasn’t felt better in YEARS!

So what’s up with me? I should be dancing on streets of gold, lolling about in Paradise, praising God from the rooftops, the skyscraper tops. Instead, I’m feeling quietly contemplative and a bit sad.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-9 talks about the fact that there are times in a person’s life that are given over to various things. Perhaps the past year was “a time to kill (cancer)...weep...be silent...war (on cancer)...hate (cancer)”.

In the same way – and in a NOT BAD way, perhaps now is “a time to heal...build up…a time for peace.” Perhaps now is the time to start growing again as well.

Perhaps now is a time to come back to life again. Perhaps now is “a time to throw away” the bitterness, anger and fear I’ve lived with for the past 18 months.

Take a deep breath. Hold it. Now release. Repeat.

There’s a faint smile on my face right now, so this must be the right thing to do...

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