ENCORE #172! – “What Would Men Like Better: Bigger Boobs Or Nicer Hair?” vs “What if I don’t have either one?”

From the first moment my wife discovered she had breast cancer in March of 2011, there was a deafening silence from the men I knew. Even ones whose wives, mothers or girlfriends had breast cancer seemed to have received a gag order from some Central Cancer Command and did little more than mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known reason, I started this blog…That was four years ago – as time passed, people searching for answers stumbled across my blog and checked out what I had to say. The following entry first appeared in August 2011…

From the first moment my wife discovered she had breast cancer, there was a deafening silence from the men I know. Even ones whose wives, mothers or girlfriends had breast cancer seemed to have received a gag order from some Central Cancer Command and did little more than mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known reason, I started this blog…That was four years ago – as time passed, people searching for answers stumbled across my blog and checked out what I had to say. The following entry appeared in August of 2011.

My wife was watching TV during one of her after-chemo days, when some daytime TV jabber show popped on. I don’t know which show it was (she didn’t say), but subject of discussion was the question above: What would men like better: bigger boobs or nicer hair?”

Now don’t get me wrong, television always goes for the spectacular, often ignoring truth or reality. I KNOW they were trying to get a rise out of the audience, increase ratings and sell Lexuses and tampons. I KNOW they think they’re being cute, creative, and provocative.

This time they ended up being hurtful and in bad taste – I mean “plumber’s butt crack with a bad case of gas” bad taste. And not just hurting feelings, attacking 1 in 8 women in the US (the number who will be diagnosed with breast cancer some time in their lives) or 2.5 MILLION women (who are breast cancer survivors.)

Not only that, it intentionally and maliciously attacks males as being too shallow to see anything beyond boobs and hair – when the simple fact is that most men DO see past boobs and hair.

It’s sadly humorous that were this show to target any other group of people, the American Civil Liberties Union and various other watchdog groups would be all over them.

But because it is attempting to make women with breast cancer who have had their breasts disfigured with lumpectomies; who have had one or both breasts removed by mastectomies; who have lost their hair through chemotherapy or radiation treatments – feel worse about themselves than they already do (and men to feel shallow and self-centered with absolutely no hope of changing) – the show is okey-dokey with its producers, advertisers and media executives (not to mention the show hosts and audience members).

My question then, is this: “What the heck kind of world do we live in?”

I guess the obvious answer is this: “One that doesn’t give a rodent’s waste end about viciously attacking vulnerable people.”

Harrumph…yeah, I’m struggling.

Have a nice day.

Image: https://c2.staticflickr.com/6/5527/10893068965_1d328e8f71_b.jpg

RELATED MEDICAL ISSUES RIGHT NOW! #4: Breast Cancer and the Global Pandemic…

From the first moment my wife discovered she had breast cancer, there was a deafening silence from the men I know. Even ones whose wives, mothers or girlfriends had breast cancer seemed to have received a gag order from some Central Cancer Command and did little more than mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known reason, I started this blog…

From the first moment I discovered my dad had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, it seemed like I was alone in this ugly place. Even ones who had loved ones suffering in this way; even though people TALKED about the disease, it felt for me like they did little more than mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known reason, I added a section to this blog…

The immediate crisis that was Breast Cancer and Alzheimer’s have passed. There are, however ancillary issues like testing and treatments that may not be directly related to BC or A but intersect with them. Harvested from different websites, journals and podcasts, I’ll translate them into understandable English and share them with you. Today: “Impact of the COVID-19 Pandemic on Breast Cancer Mortality in the US”

We all know that the pandemic, through the twin incidence of overflowing hospitals and lockdowns, had an impact on the diagnosis and treatment of breast cancer.

But how MUCH of an impact? According to the article, “[We expect that there will be] 2487 excess breast cancer deaths…([an] increase over breast cancer deaths expected) by 2030 in the absence of the pandemic’s disruptions.”

Twenty-five hundred people doesn’t…seem…like a lot over a ten year period. Statistically, it’s a bit more than a half-percent increase (“0.52% (model range = 0.36%-0.56%”).

In the study, “Each model estimated the effect of COVID-19 disruptions on breast cancer deaths among all women aged 30 to 84 years between 2020 and 2030 in the United States.” The scenarios they looked at range from NO COVID19 all the way to “Hybrid delayed and skipped screening and delayed diagnosis and reduced chemotherapy treatment” – which is to say a person skipped BC screening because they just didn’t think it was safe to go out AND when they were screened, they delayed getting diagnosed AND once they were, they had a shorter than average chemotherapy treatment.

This seems like a bunch of unlikely events all piled on top of each other, but I can (and I imagine you can as well) imagine EXACTLY this scenario happening to someone we know or love.

Another study found that “Patients were more likely to be diagnosed with late-stage breast cancer [during relaxed mandates that opened various businesses and services]. Patients with lower income and medical comorbidities were disproportionately affected. These data raise significant concerns regarding the impact of [COVID19] on cancer diagnoses and long-term outcomes, especially in vulnerable patient populations.”

Also, mammography screening has seen a negative impact, “Our radiology department is going to be slammed just catching up with routine mammography screening. Patients who have been waiting for cancer surgery for 2-4 months are not going to want to wait any longer than needed if they have to go and be localized prior to surgery.”

From screening to diagnosis to surgery to chemotherapy, COVID19 has changed how quickly breast cancer can be treated. It has changed how patients can come to the hospital and it has changed because now, an already stressful situation is made doubly so by COVID concerns – both in patients and doctors.

Looking at the number of people expected to die from breast cancer – who would NOT have died if there had been no pandemic – over a ten year period is about 2500. Current numbers for 2021: The American Cancer Society's estimates for breast cancer in the United States for 2021 are: about 281,550 new cases of invasive breast cancer will be diagnosed; 49,290 new cases of ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS); and ultimately, about 43,600 women will die from breast cancer in 2021.

Without any kind of change then, some 436,000 women are expected to die from breast cancer between 2020-2030. An additional 2500 women will die as well.

But, living in Minnesota right now, we find ourselves with increasing numbers of infections. In fact, the “now” report from data tracked by Johns Hopkins reports that, “COVID-19 cases up in 29 states, down in 18, flat in 3”. I wonder if the estimate of the increase in deaths due to breast cancer was perhaps too optimistic. Did they notice that the Spanish Flu Epidemic which lasted from February 1918 through April of 1920 continued to affect the planet for over two YEARS? The population at that time wasn’t even two billion; there was virtually NO international travel, and people pretty much died where they lived; except for the soldiers who were the main vector for the flu. With a current population well over SEVEN billion we might well expect the pandemic to last THREE AND A HALF TIMES AS LONG AS the first modern pandemic – or something like EIGHT YEARS…

Dark? Grim? Yep. I sure hope someone smarter than me has got plans in place, because 3.5 x 2500 = 8750…

Resources: https://academic.oup.com/jnci/article/113/11/1484/6319940, https://ascopubs.org/doi/abs/10.1200/JCO.2021.39.15_suppl.528, https://www.beckershospitalreview.com/public-health/17-states-with-rising-covid-19-cases.html
Image: https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQWFDJVgpz0G9kdb-eRXgRxMiv-Qz-Moaiw9w&usqp=CAU

ENCORE #171! – “Thanks For Your…um…Support”

From the first moment my wife discovered she had breast cancer in March of 2011, there was a deafening silence from the men I knew. Even ones whose wives, mothers or girlfriends had breast cancer seemed to have received a gag order from some Central Cancer Command and did little more than mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known reason, I started this blog…That was four years ago – as time passed, people searching for answers stumbled across my blog and checked out what I had to say. The following entry first appeared in July, 2011.

One of the things I’ve noticed in this ordeal is that huge expectations have been laid on caregivers.

We are to support our women. The doctors, nurses, families and well, everyone, expects it.

Of COURSE I do that with all my strength, heart and spirit! I love my wife! I am pulling for her, cheering for her, weeping with her, listening to her. I am as there as I can be.

Others cast their support as well from intimate family and friends to people she hasn’t heard from in years, all the way to ones with whom she parted ways less-than-happily. People who follow and comment on her Caringbridge blog (http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/lizstewart1) are legion.

My question then – and still is – where’s my support?

Of course people support me! Right? OK, to be honest, I was sorta expecting a bit more. Maybe a couple of pats on the back, a chuck under the chin and few words of, “Wow, must be tough for ya, eh?”

That was my expectation. The reality is more like an avoidance reaction. For example, one of the men at school has a wife who is going through breast cancer. They have younger children, so a greater burden has fallen on him than on me with one kid out of the house living his own life and then other starting her third year of college.

But I sorta expected a bit more camaraderie when he told me about it through his email response to my announcement. Instead, we avoid each other and never say a word about breast cancer. Some of the women at school ask about my wife. Lots of them. Many of them. Our church supports her and people ask about her all the time.

But the people I get to thank for their support?

Crickets chirping in the auditorium as I speak into the microphone, “Thank you for your support.

Image: https://c2.staticflickr.com/6/5527/10893068965_1d328e8f71_b.jpg

ALZHEIMER’S RESEARCH RIGHT NOW! #16: The Cause of Alzheimer’s Progression Isn’t What They Thought It Was…SURPRISE!!!

From the first moment I discovered my dad had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, it seemed like I was alone in this ugly place. Even ones who had loved ones suffering in this way; even though people TALKED about the disease, it felt for me like they did little more than mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known reason, I added a section to this blog…

Every month, I’ll be highlighting Alzheimer’s research that is going on RIGHT NOW! Harvested from different websites, journals and podcasts, I’ll translate them into understandable English and share them with you. Today: Plaques and Tangles...NOT what we thought!

Sometimes I think the Human species, in particular the one that lives in the United States, thinks it knows everything. Boss Nass says in Star Wars: Episode One has a similar opinion regarding the Naboo, the Humans who share the world with them. He said to Princess Amidala, “The Naboo think they are so smarty. They think their brains so big.”

We’ve found out that we don’t REALLY know as much as we thought we did. After we “took care of COVID19”, we discovered that things we never even thought about were affected by a cascade of troubles whose root is the pandemic. For example, it’s doubtful that in the summer of 2020 anyone even thought about food and product SHORTAGES (except for sterilizing wipes and toilet paper!), yet here we are, images of countless cargo container ships sitting idle while we go shopping and find empty shelves…

Why would we be surprised that scientists and doctors singing the praises of cures that take care of Alzheimer’s “plaques and tangles” and that all we have to do is find a pill that, when popped, would make the plaques and tangles for “POOF!”.

And here we are; at least two “wonder cures” for Alzheimer’s a lost cause…“For the first time, researchers have used human data to quantify the speed of different processes that lead to Alzheimer’s disease and found that it develops in a very different way than previously thought.”

Huh…how long have they been really trying to find a cure?

“Alzheimer's disease was first described in 1906. In the century since then, scientists have made remarkable strides in understanding how Alzheimer's affects the brain and learning how to make life better for affected individuals and families. Below are some important milestones in our progress, including the founding of the Alzheimer's Association in 1980, which has played a key role in advancing research and raising awareness of the disease.”

Where the previous treatments targeted the proteins found in plaques and tangles, this new data finds that instead of SPREADING from one place in the brain, the proteins start all over the brain and grow individually…

“‘The thinking had been that Alzheimer’s develops in a way that’s similar to many cancers: the aggregates form in one region and then spread through the brain,’ said Dr Georg Meisl from Cambridge’s Yusuf Hamied Department of Chemistry, the paper’s first author. ‘But instead, we found that when Alzheimer’s starts there are already aggregates in multiple regions of the brain, and so trying to stop the spread between regions will do little to slow the disease.’”

As you can imagine, we seemed to have been blindsided by our battle against cancer – because that’s how cancers grow. A cancerous lump in the breast “leaks” cancer cells, which pass through the bloodstream and “take root” elsewhere in the body – the technical term is that the cancer “metastasizes”.

Of course, Alzheimer treatments are created that tackle the problem as if it were a cancer…

But that’s apparently not how Alzheimer’s works. “In AD, tau and another protein called amyloid-beta build up into tangles and plaques – known collectively as aggregates. Brain cells die off because of the interaction with the invasive proteins, and the brain begins to shrink. This results in memory loss, personality changes and difficulty carrying out daily functions.”

At this early stage, there’s nothing to be “done”, but unlike cancers, autoimmune diseases, such a Rheumatoid Arthritis and Multiple Sclerosis, can start in different places of the body; different joints or body systems for example.

While doctors still don’t have RH and MS “under control”, perhaps further research will show that treatments for autoimmune diseases will provide insight in to developing new treatments for Alzheimer’s.

Resources: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2021/10/211029152240.htm, https://www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/research_progress/milestones

Image: https://www.meduniwien.ac.at/web/fileadmin/_processed_/e/1/csm_shutterstock_142671010_4683b6bf13.jpg

ENCORE #170! – David Breasterfield!

From the first moment my wife discovered she had breast cancer in March of 2011, there was a deafening silence from the men I knew. Even ones whose wives, mothers or girlfriends had breast cancer seemed to have received a gag order from some Central Cancer Command and did little more than mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known reason, I started this blog…That was four years ago – as time passed, people searching for answers stumbled across my blog and checked out what I had to say. The following entry first appeared in June of 2011…

I don’t know what it’s like, exactly for my wife, but there are long times now where the idea of breast cancer (and the accompanying metastasis possibility) disappears from my life as if by magic.

Between treatments, which she undergoes every three weeks, life returns to normal. Well, not “old normal”, rather the new normal (see “The World Didn’t Fall Off Its Axis”)…

But during this time, nothing seems to be “different” – we still chat, watch TV, go for walks with the dog, pay bills, see the grandchild, talk to people. Nothing seems to have changed. It’s almost like that magician – David Copperfield – worked his magic on breast cancer and made the whole thing disappear.

And maybe there’s something to be said for that – we’re NOT pretending. I don’t think I could ever do that. But we’re living in the promises of the doctors and the profound hopes of our friends and other women we know who are breast cancer survivors.

 David Copperfield isn’t really a magician, he’s an illusionist, and while we harbor no mistaken belief that the cancer has “disappeared”, it’s sometimes helpful to live in the illusion that the cure is NOW. It’s something that allows us to go on day-by-day. I cannot imagine how terrifying these days just before a chemo session are. But I can help my wife entertain the illusion that she is done with chemo and she has been declared cancer-free.

 Besides – that’s only going to be an illusion for a few more months. By Christmas, Liz will be a breast cancer survivor and THAT will be the real magic!

[UPDATE: And it’s STILL the real magic!]

Image: https://c2.staticflickr.com/6/5527/10893068965_1d328e8f71_b.jpg

Encouragement (In Suffering, Pain, and Witnessing Both…) #18: Dealing With ANGER…

The older I get, the more suffering and pain I’ve experienced; and the more of both I stand witness to. From my wife’s (and many, many of our friends and coworkers) battle against breast cancer; to my dad’s (and the parents of many of our friends and coworkers) process as he fades away as this complex disease breaks the connections between more and more memories, I have become not only frustrated with suffering, pain, and having to watch both, I have been witness to the suffering and pain among the students I serve as a school counselor. I have become angry and sometimes paralyzed. This is my attempt to lift myself from the occasional stifling grief that darkens my days…

Anger.

Angry.

We are NOT supposed to be angry because our beloved has “The Big C” and it’s unconscionable to add more stress to their already shattered lives.

We CAN’T be mad because it’s unproductive. We need to be focused on their recovery!

Anger does absolutely nothing but tie our guts up in knots; blinds us to needs our loved one has; is incredibly selfish!

I was angry. My daughter was angry. My son – no obvious effect except supportive…which of course shames me.

But what if we ARE mad? At God…at society…at chemical companies…at biology…How much more complex can cancer get?

Is there any kind of hope?

I was always told that God is big enough to handle my anger.

King David shouted at God, “How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?” (Psalm 13:1)

“And the nations were enraged…” (Revelation 11:18)

King David served God for a long time; Jesus will return to save His people. He can handle our anger. In their book, ANGRY WITH GOD, the authors quote Pierre Wolff: “When people can express harsh feelings to the One who [who is] the object [of that anger], love is already stronger in them than their feelings. Love is already transforming, transfiguring, this feeling into something else, something closer to love than to hatred.”

On the blog, “PS, I Love You”, author Khadejah wrote, “I was frustrated, scared, and sad that they couldn’t tell me sooner. I wasn’t mad at my mom for being diagnosed with breast cancer, I was mad that she always has to downplay her health to protect me. Well, I’m not doing that anymore. It’s time for me to protect her. I’m strong enough to handle it.”

At the Stanford Medicine website, I found, “Although your spouse has cancer, the illness is really happening to both of you. Your life is being disrupted in many of the same ways. You are sharing many of the same emotions and concerns…It can be tremendously reassuring and comforting to your loved one to know that the two of you are facing the illness together and that your support and involvement will be steadfast and unwavering regardless of what happens.”

A book from the National Cancer Institute, aimed at teenagers, concludes: “No booklet or person can tell you exactly how everything is going to work out. Cancer is tough, and your life may never be quite the same. But in the end, you will get through it. Why? You’re strong. And you are capable—even if you don’t always feel that way.”

Finally, from the 2010 article, “Coping with cancer: The perspective of patients’ relatives”, by Mariët Hagedoorn, Ulrika Kreicbergs & Charlotte Appel, the conclusion, “…cancer has an effect on the whole family. Remarkably though most relatives adapt well to the cancer of a loved one. That is only a minority appears to be at risk for psychological morbidity. Bereavement has been found to impact psychological well-being in the short-term, but it does also not appear to be a major risk factor for severe psychopathology…Future studies that focus on the interactions between patients and family members are of great importance to further the field by providing more insight into the family dynamics of dealing with cancer.”

Resources: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.3109/0284186X.2010.536165, https://www.cancer.gov/publications/patient-education/when-your-parent-has-cancer.pdf, https://med.stanford.edu/survivingcancer/cancer-and-stress/when-your-spouse-has-cancer.html, https://psiloveyou.xyz/my-mom-told-me-she-has-cancer-and-i-got-mad-at-her-ba3c88b5b9a0, https://www.amazon.com/Angry-God-Michele-Novotni/dp/1576832228
Image: http://www.quoteambition.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/encourage-quotes-destiny.jpg

ENCORE #169! – The World Didn’t Fall Off Its Axis

From the first moment my wife discovered she had breast cancer in March of 2011, there was a deafening silence from the men I knew. Even ones whose wives, mothers or girlfriends had breast cancer seemed to have received a gag order from some Central Cancer Command and did little more than mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known reason, I started this blog…That was four years ago – as time passed, people searching for answers stumbled across my blog and checked out what I had to say. The following entry first appeared in May of 2011…

Nine Thursdays ago, Liz had the biopsy that confirmed that she had breast cancer.

I will never forget that day: the blood dripping down the breast; holding Liz’s hand as the dark shadows formed on the ultrasound screen; the needle withdrawing the cells and depositing them in small vials of liquid preservative; the dim light of the procedure room; Liz’s hand squeezing mine; the doctor in gown and mask and goggles; soft words of deep regret…

Everything changed as I walked into the foyer to call my parents; my best friend; my brothers and sister…

Then came the cold rush toward a double mastectomy – nothing would ever be the same again. Nothing COULD ever be the same again.

Outside, it was spring. At work, graduation was weeks away and seniors had to be shepherded; at Liz’s work, kids came down with colds and teachers wondered what was going on for a few brief moments. And then, the surgery was over and we had to wait for the healing until chemotherapy could begin.

Now there are tornadoes everywhere; disasters are being declared; spring has sprung/the grass is ris/there’s no more wondering where the flowers is/they is HERE!

Liz’s breast cancer, for all it knocked our world askew changed nothing else outside of us. The garbage still accumulates, the checkbook still needs balancing and aside from a couple of simple scores we experienced by throwing the “C” word around (speedy delivery of a new washer when Liz shared that we needed it to wash clothing poisoned by chemo leaking out of Liz’s pores – and the scheduler had an aunt who was a breast cancer survivor; and the possibility of Mary using it on an essay for a scholarship for her third year of college).

Our lives are still upside down, but the rest of the world goes on as always.

I’m not sure what I’m learning from that, but I’m going to try and take my lessons from the BEST it has to offer: I need to remain sympathetic to those who suffer disaster, even after it leaves the headlines and falls to the back page; I need to consider those who CANNOT afford chemotherapy; I need to be thankful that we live at the dawn of the second decade of the 21st Century and not the dawn of the second decade of the 20th Century.

Our world is upside down; the rest of the planet is not.

Thanks be to God for that!

Image: https://c2.staticflickr.com/6/5527/10893068965_1d328e8f71_b.jpg