“What would men like better: bigger boobs or nicer hair?” vs “What if I don’t have either one?”

The blog address came from an earlier title I tried for this blog. Didn’t work. The new title is a better reflection of me – and if you’re here, I hope it’s a reflection of you…http://breastcancerreaper.blogspot.com/search/label/Introductions

My wife was watching TV during one of her after-chemo days, when some daytime TV jabber show popped on. I don’t know which show it was (she didn’t say), but subject of discussion was the question above: What would men like better: bigger boobs or nicer hair?”

Now don’t get me wrong, television always goes for the spectacular, often ignoring truth or reality. I KNOW they were trying to get a rise out of the audience, increase ratings and sell Lexuses and tampons. I KNOW they think they’re being cute, creative, and provocative.

This time they ended up being hurtful and in bad taste – I mean “plumber’s butt crack with a bad case of gas” bad taste. And not just hurting feelings, attacking 1 in 8 women in the US (the number who will be diagnosed with breast cancer some time in their lives) or 2.5 MILLION women (who are breast cancer survivors.)

Not only that, it intentionally and maliciously attacks males as being too shallow to see anything beyond boobs and hair – when the simple fact is that most men DO see past boobs and hair.

It’s sadly humorous that were this show to target any other group of people, the American Civil Liberties Union and various other watchdog groups would be all over them.

But because it is attempting to make women with breast cancer who have had their breasts disfigured with lumpectomies; who have had one or both breasts removed by mastectomies; who have lost their hair through chemotherapy or radiation treatments – feel worse about themselves than they already do (and men to feel shallow and self-centered with absolutely no hope of changing) – the show is okey-dokey with its producers, advertisers and media executives (not to mention the show hosts and audience members).

My question then, is this: “What the heck kind of world do we live in?”

I guess the obvious answer is this: “One that doesn’t give a rodent’s waste end about viciously attacking vulnerable people.”

Harrumph…yeah, I’m struggling.

Have a nice day.

Image: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNqCHuYkpIo1YJorETc70_HF9ABnWC9RZPgSYOQocCTk1hFEK5UjRYn6elrsd2-uRr7Da5niMaZEsfdo33LO-7LKYbsN-sFks8ys0iwhFSVq68JJ7nzFX_Hpjv-6ABwxOl3dLlM0KFihD4/s320/mars+attacks+girl.JPG

What does “I’ll be there for you!” look like?

The blog address came from an earlier title I tried for this blog. Didn’t work. The new title is a better reflection of me – and if you’re here, I hope it’s a reflection of you…http://breastcancerreaper.blogspot.com/search/label/Introductions

First, listen to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGTOru7pwL8&feature=related

Though I rarely watched the TV show FRIENDS, my wife and daughter (along with a gazillion other people in the US and around the world…) watched the show often. My daughter was given the first few seasons by a friend of hers (upon whom she thought she could count in this season of cancer – but who bailed on her repeatedly…) and she still has them. I don’t think she watches them though because the connection is too strong.

Recently my wife posted a blog entry on CARINGBRIDGE that (in a gentle way) asked the question, “Where are all the people who said they were going to be there for me?”

Don’t get me wrong, there are several people who still support us, who still visit, call and get past the, “So, how are you doing?” stage. They are there, but some who said they’d “be there” have not been. Some who aren’t here use the words glibly and then don’t back it up with action.

I get the whole idea of praying for us. We appreciate that immensely; we appreciate the people who have committed to pray for us. Those are not the people I’m talking about. I’m talking about the people who say, “I’m there for you!” but aren’t.

There are verses to the FRIENDS theme song that are NOT in the show intro. You have to poke around a little bit to find them, but there’s a verse that strikes me here:

“No one could ever know me
No one could ever see me
Seems you're the only one who knows
What it's like to be me
Someone to face the day with
Make it through all the rest with
Someone I'll always laugh with
Even at my worst I'm best with you, yeah”

To tell you the truth, there are not many friends that have said that to any of us.

I guess we expected too much. *sigh*

If you’re one of the FRIENDS, make an effort to live up to the lyrics above. If you’re a breast cancer patient or a caregiver, seems to me like the only one we can REALLY count on for that kind of friendship lives in our hearts.

Image: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_rnzsk1Q7D18/TVI_wtZagSI/AAAAAAAAAx4/TV0V5-meS5E/s400/friends01.jpg

“NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP..."

The blog address came from an earlier title I tried for this blog. Didn’t work. The new title is a better reflection of me – and if you’re here, I hope it’s a reflection of you…http://breastcancerreaper.blogspot.com/search/label/Introductions

I’m struggling with a subject today because it seems the passion has leaked away.

When first we joined battle, we were all about “beating breast cancer”. That fire seems to have gone out. It’s not that we don’t want the cancer beast to die; it’s not that we don’t moment-by-moment pray that it will be DONE, it’s just that it’s not as intense as it first was.

While I watch her get the chemicals dripped or pumped into her, it seems like the fight goes OUT. I know I talked about this earlier, but as chemo has worn on, the effects accumulate rather than diminish. In my head, it seems like she should be bouncing back FASTER as the cancer cells die and the regular cells take over again.

Not the case. It’s not like no one told us this would happen. Plenty of people said that the effects were cumulative.

I don’t remember anyone saying that the whole thing would gray over in the constant dimness of repetition. People aren’t calling to cheer us on. Blog entries aren’t designed to bring people to their feet, cheering. What was once a World War I attitude has fallen into a Vietnam attitude or a Civil War attitude.

How do I fight against that? How do I remain the powerful second-in-command?

My wife and I watched THE KING’S SPEECH the night after her chemo appointment. In it, King George VI was surrounded by people whose job it was to support him, but at just the wrong moment, Prime Minister Baldwin resigned in 1937 not long after King Edward VIII abdicated but before Hitler invaded Poland. Neville Chamberlain took over though after three years acceded to Winston Churchill in 1940. Churchill truly carried England through World War II and became a world hero as well.

How does this apply to me? My wife is Queen. I am Prime Minister. I can quit as Baldwin did when the going got tough. I can be a weenie like Chamberlain. Or I can become a Churchill and not only stand beside my Queen, but do so with dignity and honor. No one remembers the words of Baldwin or Chamberlain (who is remembered as saying, “I believe it is peace for our time . . . peace with honour” even as Germany sought to crush Europe into its Aryan mold.

Churchill’s words had the power to stir the hearts of humanity. His words found a place in history: “But for everyone, surely, what we have gone through in this period -- I am addressing myself to the School -- surely from this period of ten months, this is the lesson: Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in, except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."

I choose now to become a Churchill to my wife’s Queen.

Image: http://faculty.virginia.edu/setear/courses/howweget/photos/church.jpg

The Real Poop

The blog address came from an earlier title I tried for this blog. Didn’t work. The new title is a better reflection of me – and if you’re here, I hope it’s a reflection of you…http://breastcancerreaper.blogspot.com/search/label/Introductions

OK – so my wife, who reads these blog entries said that I didn’t tell the truth in one of my entries where I said she was doing good. She wasn’t. I don’t know which entry is was, but I apologize for saying she was doing fine and she wasn’t.

So that brings me to this entry.

It’s a new wrinkle in the Life With A Cancer Patient – The Fever.

Sunday night, after several days of elevated temperatures, she finally decided that she should call the nurse line. She reported the temperature, they said they’d call back. The cancer nurse called back and said we should get to the Emergency Room. So, full of trepidation we went.

I’m sure everyone has, at some point in their lives, been to an ER late at night on a weekend. The place is FULL of mishap victims, drug abusers, people running weird temperatures or feeling ways they’ve never felt before. Crying children – whether injured or tired of waiting for hours while harried ER nurses, guards, physician’s assistants and orderlies try and serve everyone in impossible situations.

Once we made it through the first “strainer” of the standard TPR, insurance forms and debit-carding, we waited. In a freezing cold waiting room. Along with dozens of others. Once they called us and wheeled my wife into a “private” ER treatment room (next door to a young adult who had been to a concert and someone jumped on the back of his leg – breaking it and requiring him to be put into something called conscious sedation while they put pins in his leg and put the leg in traction, but I digress…)

An intern/doctor (who reminded me of Dougie Howser, MD (https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhysK9je7HjOlgiUAKsZ0qpGCzdBSGxtw0dF8gHNcW-xbKwMFu5RbmZ0birxGnDrLuglO7aFq03FpgzuhUgaL7gmalCuAOW-Vj9ku8pf_FI3X_VtBeLOtFGiZA-W1o4UFibeD3_-zmODi_m/s1600/doogie_howser.jpg ) came to talk to my wife. Then a nurse came in and I started to be afraid. Looking through the list of drugs my wife was using and received in her cancer treatment, the nurse had NO IDEA WHAT SOME OF THEM WERE.

The preadolescent intern-pretty-close-to-an-MD-but-not-quite and another nurse came to the conclusion that my wife had a urinary tract infection. As it turns out, they made that diagnosis NOT based on a urinalysis but…I’m not sure. My question is how can anyone make an accurate diagnosis from incomplete knowledge (aka: ignorance)?

Her cancer doctor (who she went to see a few days later and could find no record of the urine sample they’d taken away ever being analyzed…and IT’S THE SAME HOSPITAL with the same computer that keeps records…) looked at her, did a WBC and a urinalysis and said, “You don’t have a UTI.” Of course, this led to another series of tests – one of which required drawing blood from her port, then blood from her arm to compare the results to see if there was an infection in the port. (My daughter and I about passed out when my wife walked out from the infusion lab with FIVE FREAKIN’ GAUZE PIECES TAPED ON HER LEFT ARM! She looked like someone had been practicing their phlebotomy skills on her and got an “F” on the test!

So now she’s home, no fever but her armpit is sore…

To tell the truth, some days it’s one damn thing after another. This is one of those days…

Image: http://www.gigaweb.com/files/productsimages/BS_C/med_800540.jpg