From the first moment my wife discovered
she had breast cancer, there was a deafening silence from the men I know. Even
ones whose wives, mothers or girlfriends had breast cancer seemed to have
received a gag order from some Central Cancer Command and did little more than
mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known reason, I started
this blog…That was four years ago – as time passed, people searching for
answers stumbled across my blog and checked out what I had to say. The
following entry appeared in September of 2012.
A good friend of
mine, a colleague at work, had a scare four days ago. In for a regular checkup
and knowing she’s been cancer free for a bit over two years, she posted on FB
that she was going back in for some more tests and a biopsy. The post read, “hoping for
the word ‘benign’ tomorrow (had my mammogram today)...and biopsies are not
pleasant (my 4th). I knew what was about to happen, when they brought me to the
‘fun room’ after taking 2 additional pics”
Praise God, she DID hear the words benign the next day. I
hugged her so hard, she had to say, “Watch out for the boob!”
Apologizing profusely, I replied, “I just couldn’t help
it! Sorry! I’m so...so...thrilled for you!”
What I meant, paradoxically, was, “I am so relieved for
ME.”
Once again, this brought back to mind the fact that there
is such a thing as aggressive cancer. That successful treatments do NOT always
beat the monster to death, and we STILL need a cure. That’s what I’ll be riding
for next year. That’s what I pray for every time I lift my eyes and heart up to
the Lord.
The next event that day was OUR visit to the oncologist.
I went with, but didn’t go in with my wife. Not for any more profound reason
than that I didn’t want to get in the way. She came out after an hour or so
smiling peacefully. “The doctor said there’s virtually no scar tissue. He asked
me if I remembered the chemo.” My wife’s smile turned from peaceful to ironic
with a few muscle movements as she said, “Oh, yes. I do. Every moment of it.”
How can the Human face be so expressive, going from peace to irony with tiny
twitches of electrical impulse? I don’t know, but it happens. She added a
moment later, “He said he’d have been surprised if anything came back. The
treatment was one of the most aggressive he’s ever done.”
*sigh*
We can be a peace for a bit more, now. Yet I’ll never
forget the terror of last year; nor the spectre of possibilities in the future.
I’ll deal. I can’t get used to it,
but I’ll deal. “Faith. Hope. Love. These three; but the greatest of these is
love.” (I Corinthians 13:13) That one I can do best after 25 years of marriage
– that one has not dimmed, rather it’s grown stronger. That I can do...
I was at the
Minnesota State Fair right after the appointment. In the Health Building, I
wandered past the Caringbridge stand and stopped to tell them how grateful I am
for their ministry/work/whatever. They asked if I wanted to have my picture
taken and (of course!) I said, “Sure.” They said that if I tag it and get other
people to tag me, a company that makes cards will donate a dollar for each tag,
up to $2000! So, if you follow this link, you can tag me (I think…I don’t
entirely get this FB tagging thing…) https://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=10152099135520241&set=a.10152094718910241.903860.86180025240&type=1&theater
As to people not
doing exactly what they’re supposed to do? My wife was supposed to have a
compression sleeve, had gotten the measurements taken and was assured the
sleeve and hand would arrive soon by the Nurse Practitioner. Three weeks later,
she had tried calling person; tried emailing the person – and was told the NP
had no recollection of have done the measurements and couldn’t remember my
wife. Grrrr….and what was she supposed to do about THAT? Lymphedema is serious
business! How could someone “oops, I forgot” and then lie about it? I’m
reasonably certain my wife wouldn’t LIE about someone measuring her arm!
A second NP did
the work as well as noting that she had some lymphedema around the upper
abdomen as well and gave my wife a compression bra as well! OK – now things are
moving.
The lesson here?
YOU ARE YOUR OWN
BEST ADVOCATE! Stay on top of everything and question everything – you don’t
have to be mean about it, but this is serious stuff here! You can ask questions
politely, just like your parents (and kindergarten teacher and middle school
teacher and high school teacher…) taught you to do. But ASK!
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