Saturday, December 3, 2016

GUY’S GOTTA TALK ABOUT...Alzheimer's #3 “I don’t want to be here anymore…”

Dad’s diagnosis of Alzheimer’s stayed hidden from everyone until I took over the medical administration of my parents in 2015. Once I found out, there was a deafening silence from most of the people I know even though virtually all of them would add, “My _____ had Alzheimer’s…” But there was little help, little beyond people sadly shaking heads. Or horror stories. Lots of those. Even the ones who knew about the disease seemed to have received a gag order from some Central Alzheimer’s Command and did little more than mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known reason, I started this part of my blog…

Every few days, my father calls me to tell me that he doesn’t want to live in the retirement community any more. Of course, it’s not because of any one thing. Usually he believes that if he just got back to his old place, he’d know the people again.

Because he doesn’t know anyone in this place.

My dad has NEVER been a social butterfly. Once he gets a friend, he holds onto them forever. Examples include – the childhood friend who started a “supper club” a year before or after I was born. The place was in the far wilderness and practically on the edge of civilization! When they went to the place the first time, my mother declared, “If you don’t get there in the next ten minutes, we turn around and go back!” They got there – and he’s been going there ever since. It’s also the only restaurant he’ll go to and NOT get upset because of the food or service…at least when he’s with me. Another is a guy he hung out with when he was in the Air Force during the Korean Conflict. He’s been calling and talking to this guy since they reconnected about thirty years ago. Then there’s the former next-door-neighbors from the house they sold nearly 20 years ago. He still wants to see them – but they’re fifteen years his junior and they have their own lives to live that rarely include him.

Driving is another big issue. I took his car keys away when we moved them into the senior facility a little over a year ago. He constantly talks about getting a car and driving around. When I ask who he’d go see, he just starts to mutter about having a car…

I read once that someone with Alzheimer’s have a profound desire to return to a time when they had control over their lives. My dad WAS someone who always had to have control. His effort though wasn’t overt. It was always covert. Maybe even a little delusional, because it was MOM who was in charge. He just thought he was! He equates his truck, and going to the store with his freedom. He doesn’t have a clear idea of where he’d go or who he’d see, he’s just certain he’d be happier if things were all the way they used to be.

That seems to be the lot of Humanity though. I’ve no doubt that Adam and Eve wanted things to be the way they were before they broke from God. I’ve no doubt that the world would readily return to the way things were before nuclear weapons were abundant. I’m pretty sure that some people who be happy to go back to the time when Europeans were just one tribe among many.

But we can neither turn back the clock and go back to the way things were; we also, however don’t well remember “the way things were”. For example, I don’t remember my dad going out an awful lot. When I first stepped in to intervene in my parent’s decline, Dad would get angry and upset when he and I went grocery shopping. Mom would fight me when I wanted her go to the doctor; the meals she’d cook before we moved them to the senior facility were often burned; she also spent most of her time sitting in her chair, ignoring doctor’s orders to move. Dad would spend most of his time in the basement, watching TV and ignoring Mom…

So. What’s next? According to how I’m reading the signs, Dad is moving more firmly into Stage 6 (http://www.best-alzheimers-products.com/seven-stages-of-alzheimers.html). He’s been sundowning for months – long before Mom died; daily since then (four-and-a-half months ago). Sundowning is defined as “…a symptom of Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia. It’s also known as “late-day confusion.” If someone you care for has dementia, their confusion and agitation may get worse in the late afternoon and evening. In comparison, their symptoms may be less pronounced earlier in the day.”

He hasn’t shown many other of the Stage 6 symptoms, but it seems like their appearance is only a matter of time. *sigh*

Image:  http://az616578.vo.msecnd.net/files/2016/06/25/6360242025150255191939281878_Alzheimer-disease-patients.jpg

No comments:

Post a Comment