Dad’s diagnosis of Alzheimer’s stayed
hidden from everyone until I took over the medical administration of my parents
in 2015. Once I found out, there was a deafening silence from most of the
people I know even though virtually all of them would add, “My _____ had
Alzheimer’s…” But there was little help, little beyond people sadly shaking
heads. Or horror stories. Lots of those. Even the ones who knew about the
disease seemed to have received a gag order from some Central Alzheimer’s
Command and did little more than mumble about the experience. Not one to shut
up for any known reason, I started this part of my blog…
Every few days, my
father calls me to tell me that he doesn’t want to live in the retirement
community any more. Of course, it’s not because of any one thing. Usually he
believes that if he just got back to his old place, he’d know the people again.
Because he doesn’t
know anyone in this place.
My dad has NEVER
been a social butterfly. Once he gets a friend, he holds onto them forever.
Examples include – the childhood friend who started a “supper club” a year
before or after I was born. The place was in the far wilderness and practically
on the edge of civilization! When they went to the place the first time, my
mother declared, “If you don’t get there in the next ten minutes, we turn
around and go back!” They got there – and he’s been going there ever since. It’s
also the only restaurant he’ll go to and NOT get upset because of the food or
service…at least when he’s with me. Another is a guy he hung out with when he
was in the Air Force during the Korean Conflict. He’s been calling and talking
to this guy since they reconnected about thirty years ago. Then there’s the
former next-door-neighbors from the house they sold nearly 20 years ago. He
still wants to see them – but they’re fifteen years his junior and they have
their own lives to live that rarely include him.
Driving is another
big issue. I took his car keys away when we moved them into the senior facility
a little over a year ago. He constantly talks about getting a car and driving
around. When I ask who he’d go see, he just starts to mutter about having a car…
I read once that
someone with Alzheimer’s have a profound desire to return to a time when they
had control over their lives. My dad WAS someone who always had to have
control. His effort though wasn’t overt. It was always covert. Maybe even a
little delusional, because it was MOM who was in charge. He just thought he
was! He equates his truck, and going to the store with his freedom. He doesn’t
have a clear idea of where he’d go or who he’d see, he’s just certain he’d be
happier if things were all the way they used to be.
That seems to be
the lot of Humanity though. I’ve no doubt that Adam and Eve wanted things to be
the way they were before they broke from God. I’ve no doubt that the world
would readily return to the way things were before nuclear weapons were
abundant. I’m pretty sure that some people who be happy to go back to the time
when Europeans were just one tribe among many.
But we can neither
turn back the clock and go back to the way things were; we also, however don’t
well remember “the way things were”. For example, I don’t remember my dad going
out an awful lot. When I first stepped in to intervene in my parent’s decline,
Dad would get angry and upset when he and I went grocery shopping. Mom would
fight me when I wanted her go to the doctor; the meals she’d cook before we
moved them to the senior facility were often burned; she also spent most of her
time sitting in her chair, ignoring doctor’s orders to move. Dad would spend
most of his time in the basement, watching TV and ignoring Mom…
So. What’s next?
According to how I’m reading the signs, Dad is moving more firmly into Stage 6
(http://www.best-alzheimers-products.com/seven-stages-of-alzheimers.html).
He’s been sundowning for months – long before Mom died; daily since then
(four-and-a-half months ago). Sundowning is defined as “…a symptom of Alzheimer’s
disease and other forms of dementia. It’s also known as “late-day confusion.”
If someone you care for has dementia, their confusion and agitation may get
worse in the late afternoon and evening. In comparison, their symptoms may be
less pronounced earlier in the day.”
He hasn’t shown
many other of the Stage 6 symptoms, but it seems like their appearance is only
a matter of time. *sigh*
Resource: http://www.aplaceformom.com/blog/12-17-15-alzheimers-behaviors-to-track/,
http://www.alzheimersweekly.com/,
http://www.alz.org/, http://www.healthline.com/health-slideshow/dementia-sundowning
Image: http://az616578.vo.msecnd.net/files/2016/06/25/6360242025150255191939281878_Alzheimer-disease-patients.jpg
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