From the first moment my wife discovered she had breast cancer in March of 2011, there was a deafening silence from the men I knew. Even ones whose wives, mothers or girlfriends had breast cancer seemed to have received a gag order from some Central Cancer Command and did little more than mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known reason, I started this blog…That was four years ago – as time passed, people searching for answers stumbled across my blog and checked out what I had to say. The following entry first appeared in October 2012.
Working full-time as a classroom aide for a kindergarten class is a draining experience even for the young and able-bodied! The classroom teacher is a young woman with loads of energy, enthusiasm and ideas – and SHE is often worn out at the end of the day! How could my wife possibly expect to keep up with her – as well as chasing after 25 five-going-on-six little kids, and closely monitoring and recording data on one child in the class who needs LOTS of supervision?
She works at the elementary school in the district with THE highest level of poverty. The neighborhood her school is in is primarily made up of apartments, has an airport, several vacant lots, one partially burned out gas station, suburban row houses all built within weeks of each other in 1956 and beginning to look their age. The environment is dilapidated, the school is dilapidated, the charter school next door to her school siphons off the best and the brightest leaving her school with more than its fair share of challenges.
She comes home exhausted every day and wonders when she’s going to feel better. Lymphedema is a concern still – nah, it’s downright worrisome. Yesterday she broke out in hives because she didn’t rinse out her compression sleeve well enough – because she was tired. Her feet are sore. Her knees and joints are sore (though that has gotten better since she’s gone gluten free) and she doesn’t remember feeling this crappy BEFORE the surgery, chemo and recovery.
So when WILL she feel like she used to? When will she feel normal?
In a transcript of a panel discussion on “Life After Breast Cancer” posted at http://secondopinion-tv.org/episode/life-after-breast-cancer, one of the panelists notes, “It's not possible to ‘flip a switch’ and immediately go back to a former life at full throttle. The body is in repair mode and women have to pace themselves. In fact, it may take a year or more to regain a sufficient level of energy and sense of well-being.”
Debbie Woodbury, commenting on a question at Talk About Health (http://talkabouthealth.com/how-long-did-it-take-for-you-to-feel-normal-again-after-breast-cancer-or-do-you-ever-feel-normal-again) points out: “Emotionally, it took even longer [than a year] to heal, but I will never be the same as I was before the cancer...no cancer survivor I've ever talked to...has ever told me that they were able to return to the normal life they had before they were diagnosed. It just doesn't happen. Cancer redefines normal.”
What exactly is a repair mode? Technically “recovery” has to do with the initial surgical recovery, but, “After your cancer treatment, as a cancer survivor you're eager to return to good health. But beyond your initial recovery, there are ways to improve your long-term health so that you can enjoy the years ahead as a cancer survivor. The recommendations for cancer survivors are no different from the recommendations for anyone who wants to improve his or her health: Exercise, eat a balanced diet, maintain a healthy weight, avoid tobacco and limit the amount of alcohol you drink. But for cancer survivors, these strategies have added benefits. These simple steps can improve your quality of life, smoothing your transition into survivorship.”
This is recovery.
“But doctor, will I ever be able to play the violin after I recover?”
“Of course!”
“That’s amazing! I never played it before the surgery!”
Ba dum bum. Everything people have blogged leads me to believe that the repair mode of post-cancer recovery is long and difficult. Of COURSE you feel better than you did immediately after surgery. It seems like things are getting better fast. But that’s different. Cancer is invasive and if you’ve undergone a prolonged chemo or radiation therapy, then your entire body has been weakened – from head to toe.
“You may have permanent scars on your body, or you may not be able to do some things you once did easily. Or you may even have emotional scars from going through so much. You may find that others think of you differently now - or you may view yourself in a different way…”, “...those who have gone through cancer treatment describe the first few months as a time of change...finding out what's normal for you now. People often say that life has new meaning or that they look at things differently now. You can also expect things to keep changing as you begin your recovery. Your new ‘normal may include making changes in the way you eat, the things you do, and your sources of support...follow-up care. Should I tell the doctor about symptoms that worry me? Which doctors should I see after treatment? How often should I see my doctor? What tests do I need? What can be done to relieve pain, fatigue, or other problems after treatment? How long will it take for me to recover and feel more like myself? Is there anything I can or should be doing to keep cancer from coming back?”
All of this – and MORE – are things to factor into recovery.
The answer to the ultimate question, “So when WILL she feel like she used to?” may not have a clear or solid answer. I suppose the best response might be, “e) All of the above”...
Resources: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/coping/life-after-treatment/page1/AllPages
Image: https://c2.staticflickr.com/6/5527/10893068965_1d328e8f71_b.jpg
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