GUY’S GOTTA TALK ABOUT #26…When Terror Mellows To Discomfort

From the first moment my wife discovered she had breast cancer, there was a deafening silence from the men I know. Even ones whose wives, mothers or girlfriends had breast cancer seemed to have received a gag order from some Central Cancer Command and did little more than mumble about the experience. Not one to shut up for any known reason, I started this blog…

I remember the first days, weeks, months, and maybe the first two years after the breast cancer diagnosis.
I remember a feeling that disaster hung over our heads every moment of every day, oppressive and heavy. It diminished slowly, and actually surely...

“The Oxford English Dictionary defines ‘oppression’ as ‘the state of being subject to unjust treatment or control.’ However, this does not mean that those so subject are aware of their unjust treatment or control. This is an aspect of oppression that is largely missed in popular culture when we consider whether we or others are being oppressed. Indeed, when living day to day in concert with the constraints of a given cultural milieu, we seldom consider whether we are actually being oppressed. Instead, we tend to think that one who wants to live according to the constraints of her culture is making a free choice.” (https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-would-aristotle-do/201411/two-concepts-oppression)

The emphasis above is mine. Living with breast cancer day-to-day, whether as a victim or a caregiver, may lead to a sense that we are continuing to live in the shadow of the disease. But given the passage of years, the horror of breast cancer; the oppression of life under the disease, may fade to the sense that “it’s all over”.

I am living there now. My wife may not be. My friends may not be.

But I am there. I’ve forgotten the oppression. I write this blog, true. The subject of breast cancer is on my mind. I am “oppressed”.

I’m sure that there are those who will object to my use of cancer caregivers and victims being oppressed. They might say that “there’s a cure!” or that “it’s not a cultural oppression!”

 I would say: “Have you ever had someone move away from you when you say, ‘Yes, I have cancer’? Have you ever seen the look someone gives a woman who is bald because of chemotherapy? Have you ever seen the look someone gives a woman who has had a double mastectomy?” [Do I need to remind you of the outrage engendered by society when the photo of a tattooed, breastless woman, a breast cancer survivor, was deemed “pornography” by FACEBOOK of all megacorporations, who happily allows tittypix without a peep? (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2148029/Cancer-survivors-mastectomy-photos-BANNED-Facebook-pornographic.html)]

 Whether someone is oppressed or not is NOT for outsiders to decide. It is for those who ARE being oppressed. I am feeling oppressed.

 Image: http://wrex.images.worldnow.com/images/23784252_SA.jpg